Just Friends. (A falling in love with my best friend story)

Chapter 22: Speed

  Genna's POV:
I was extremely thankful when the weekend came, so that I could take a few days and just try and pull myself together. Everything seemed to be rushing at me so fast, like a semi-truck, horns blaring loud and lights flashing and the driver yelling at me to get away but I couldn't because I was stuck in the middle of traffic, not able to move without avoiding a collision. 
I sat at my desk, my favorite sparkly blue pen in hand and a notebook in front of me, open to a blank page. When I went talked to Dr. Bowman the other day, he suggested that I try to sort out my feelings by organization, and write what was bothering me down on a list, and try to check one thing off at a time. This seemed like a logical idea, so here I was, ready to write down the things passing through my mind.
        1. Mary and Wes finding out
        2. Having to tell Parker about it as well
        3. Missing dad
        4. Still trying to get over mom
        5. Not cutting anymore.
        6. Possible closeness with Carter & Chelsea
        7. The fact that I'm actually dating Parker.
I finished, setting my pen down. I looked at the list, thinking each number over one at a time, trying to figure out which head to slice off of the Hydra first. Only problem? Once I did one, two more would grow back. Great advice Dr. Bowman! NOT.
        "Genna, you okay? You're quiet in here." Parker's voice came from the other side of my room and I had just enough time to close the notebook and not make it look like I was hiding anything from him.
        "Yeah. Fine." I said. He sat down next to me and I faced him. He was frowning slightly.
        "You're always fine Genna. I never know what you're really feeling." He said, sounding hurt. Ugh, maybe I should just avoid contact with humans, all it did was cause drama for both me and them. Maybe I'll get a pet. Pets seem to be more understanding.
        "Yo. Gen." He says. I look up and realize he said something else.
        "Hm? Sorry I didn't catch that." I said. This only seemed to make him more anxious.
        "Can I vent something?" He asked. I sighed, knowing he really would anyway.
        "Yeah." I said. He took my hand and looked at me.
        "I can't shake the feeling that when I left for Spain, everything changed and everything happened and I wasn't there to witness it. Like I just missed an important scene that would change the outcome of the whole movie. Not only are you acting super weird around me, and not just because you're mourning, but also because you're not telling me something. I'm not dumb Genna. I'm not being told something. Dad has for some odd reason not left his room, mom is now working at home and looking more tired and stressed these days, and even though you're looking a lot healthier now, you still seem....I don't know....empty." He said.
I put my face in my hands, feeling the guilt eat me away. I'm a burden to everyone. I'm causing change for this family that shouldn't have to deal with me like this. I should still be at home, wasting slowly away while they go on with their happy lives.
        "I'm sorry, everything's just happening so fast and I don't know how to handle it." I said into my hands. Parker gently removed them from my face and gave me a small smile.
        "Is it...easier on you? That we're together? Or am I just making things worse?" He asked. What a question.
I should've told him the truth, right then and there, saying no it didn't make things easier on me, and I should've prepared him for the huge bomb I would be dropping on him soon, that would've prepared me for the next few weeks.
But no, I simply put on a fake smile and told him yes, falsely reassuring him for the time.
Oh how stupid I was.