How will you fix me? (Marianas Trench fan fic)

Chapter 10

Hayley’s P.O.V

I was awakened by Josh the next morning. It was about 8 in the morning.

“Good morning!” He said a little bit too cheerfully.

“Good morning?” I said, more asking than stating, although I meant to say it with more confidence. He laughed at my sleepiness. Then he took me in his arms and put me standing on the floor. I groaned a little and almost fell, but Josh sort of kind of caught me.

“Careful there!” He said, grinning.

“Why are you in such a good mood?” I asked in a sleepy voice.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He asked. I didn’t answer, it was a rhetorical question anyways.

I took a shower and got dressed, then headed upstairs. Josh’s Mom was already in the kitchen.

“Good morning Hayley.” She said, smiling at me.

“Good morning.” I replied, smiling back. She served me a bowl of cereal, which I ate. Then Josh came up, he had just gotten out of the shower.

He ate breakfast, and then we headed back downstairs to his room. We still had like twenty minutes left before we had to leave. I looked at Josh.

“What time did you fall asleep last night?” I asked him. I knew that he  had insomnia and it broke my heart.

“About four am.” He replied. I looked at him, concern filling my eyes.

“It doesn’t matter, though, I don’t really feel tired or anything.” He quickly added. I made my way over to him. I just felt like hugging his insomnia away, if that was possible. Because I knew that even if he didn’t show it, his insomnia still affected him quite a bit. I sat on him and put my arms around him, and rested my head on his shoulder. He put his arms around my waist, and I heard him sigh, quietly.

“I don’t understand why you took heroin, Josh, but then again I’m not sure I’ll like the answer.” I said, knowing by experience that sometimes, it was pain that could lead to a drug like heroin.

“I’m sorry.” He said.

“Josh, you mean so, so much to me. It tears me on the inside to know that you took heroin.” I said, a tear rolling down my cheek.

“Don’t cry.” He whispered, kissing my tear.

“How could I not cry? One of my best friends just took this crazy addictive drug!” I told him. I don’t know why I was only now really talking to him about and letting my feelings out, but somehow, in this moment, it felt right. It felt like he should know how much he meant to me. Now, as I was sitting on his lap. Maybe if he understood how much I cared, maybe he would decide not to take it again. Maybe if he realizes that if he hurts himself, it hurts me too, and maybe he’ll stop. Maybe if he realizes how much I care about him, maybe he’ll decide to live without the love that heroin provides. Maybe he’ll decide that my caring for him is enough.

“I’m sorry.” He said again. I didn’t want to talk anymore. I kissed his forehead. And in that moment of silence, I felt like screaming. Because I knew that we were both thinking of the same thing. Of him. And heroin. And I couldn’t stand the silence, but I couldn’t stand my words either, nor his. His empty words. But they were yet so strong, but not strong enough to cover the pain in his voice.

The week went by quickly, and I’d recently decided that I wanted to get a tattoo. Something simple, on my neck. I’d already taken an appointment, on Saturday, which was tomorrow; at 4 pm. Josh was coming with me. I’d invited London, but when he heard that Josh was coming, he kind of decided not to go for some reason. So I’d go see him after, and I’d talk to him about it.