Shaforostop It (2015)

Chapter Thirteen - You Should Go

DENIS

"I swear she's crazy." I laughed.

"Mate you fucking scored." Cameron laughed. I took a sip from the beer in my hand.

"I know."

"Can he like, do the splits and stuff?"

"First, she would be insulted. Next, in like a million different positions." Leda was bascially a human pretzel.

"Dude." Ben said, and Sam hit him.

"You guys are disgusting."

"You're just jealous." Ben teased. He was well on his way to getting hit again.

"Jealous? That you're objectifying her and talk about her like a piece of meat? Not hardly."

"What- I didn't even do anything." Ben defeneded. "Go be useful and make me a sandwich or something."

"Go be useful and find yourself a new wide."

"Ooohh shit." Cameron and James both laughed like little kids. We were all sitting around Ben's house, seemingly where everyone ended up all the the time, until we started talking about Leda. She was off with Roger buying clothes, or doing an interview, or something like that, and as per Rogers request, I wasn't allowed to tag along. I was already going inside and he'd been here two days. 'Don't help her'. 'Let her do everything'. 'You should work out too'. 'Can you do this? Didn't think so'. 'My super star, My love!'. So he's allowed to help her with whatever he wants and give her things, but as soon as I do it's wrong? I just might kill him by the end of this.

"Maybe I'll find my own 'super star gymnast'." Ben failed miserably at mimicking my accent, and everyone laughed.

"You really don't want to." I sighed. "She's always busy, and trainging out, and I will actually kill Roger if he keep telling me what to do."

"Who the fuck is Roger?" Boy Sam snorted.

"Her manager."

"And why is he telling you what to do?"

"Because he thinks I baby her." I shrugged. "Don't help her if she falls, don't buy her flowers, don't carry things for her, don't call her more than once a day."

"What a prick."

"How does it feel to know some random guy she's know a lot longer than you, whom also hates you, is running around with your girlfriend all day?" Sam laughed

"How does it feel to be alone?" I challenged. Cameron and James did the 'ooooh' thing again. "And I don't care. She's not like that."

"Well obviously she was like that if you had a thing with her before she left that other cunt."

"That's diff-" I stopped myself. Would she cheat on me? With Roger? He's like, old? "No he is just some foreign weirdo can hardly speak English." Everyone looked at me.

"Don't know if you've noticed, mate, you you're also a foreign weirdo who can hardly speak English." Ben said flatly. Fuck.

"I can hardly speak any language. But he has beard and like, yells at her, and looks like he's dying."

"You yell at everyone all the time!" Ben laughed again.

"No!"

"He's just excitable." James sighed like I was some puppy or something.

"I am not your dog."

"Yeah but you are my bitch." I got up and walked over, sitting on James' lap.

"Ooooh you're gay!" Ben cheered. James put his arms around me and we both laughed loudly. I got up and sat back on the squishy leather couch.

"Yeah but at least I haven't kissed any of you."

"Are you implying you want to?" Ben said, as if the idea was crazy, then winked at me.

"I have girlfriend."

"Since when has that matter to any of us before?" Ben laughed.

"Ben!" Girl Sam screamed from in the kitchen

"Oh fuck." Ben muttered, walking away.

"And Denis, we know you have a girlfriend. You never fucking shut up about it." James said.

"At least my-"

"You really don't wanna get into it with him." Cameron warned. "You punch Ben and all he needs is a tampon up his nose. James punches you, you're fucked." I rolled my eyes.

"You're gay for him."

"I should be going anyways." James stood.

"Fuck off!" Sam screamed, and Ben walked in quickly.

"You should all go." We laughed slightly. There was a loud bang in the kitchen, and a frying pan came flying in towards Ben. He ducked just in time and it stuck in the wall behind him. Ben stood tall looking horrified.

"Good luck, mate." James tapped Ben's shoulder. "You're gonna need it." We all left promptly, avoiding being murdered with kitchen appliances.

A/N: I would like to point out that this was all written before anything came out about Ben and Sam's divorce. I just thought it was funny, and I'm in no way trying to be insensitive, or mean. I fully support both Ben and Sam no matter what they choose to do in their lives. It's their private life, and no one else's business but their own. I hope they're both happy :)

Another A/N: Not to take away the attention of my previous note, but I wont be able to update for a while after the next chapter I post. For the sake of brevity (this will not be brief): I'm a twat and write everything down on paper, which means that not only do I have to type it all up by hand, but I have at least four entire stories that haven't even graced the online world yet (A good source of anxiety, with no other nutritional value). I would be typing it at the moment, had I not left all the material in another continent. Though it should make you happy, to know that I have been writing more and more of this story everyday, with no signs of stopping in the near future. I will be apologising much more in the future, and if anyone would like, you can come to my house and punch me in the face. (I also am vastly aware that no one cares that much about this story so much so that rather than wait almost a week for another chapter, they decided to get on a plane, track me down, and harm me.) <3