In The Long Run

Goodbye Bail, Hello Hell

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Goodbye Bail, Hello Hell:

　

I stared bleakly at the reflection in front of me. My black dress, heals and eye shadow seemed appropriate for the upcoming tremulous event. My little sister's funeral.

I stopped talking since then. After her death. Stopped eating. Stopped everything. My mother stopped talking to everyone; family, neighbors, friends, etc. She became a reclusive stranger to the world.

I hear her cry at night, whispering Bailey's name. I know she misses her, just as much as I do, but I knew something else too. My mother blames me. She hates me. I didn't understand at first, how on earth it could've been my fault, but then it hit me.

She doesn't hate me because of the crash...well maybe that, too...but she hates me because I ditched my poor sister for my boyfriend. Something I promised I would never do; putting a guy in front of my own family.

Gawd, I was so stupid. Maybe it actually is my fault. You know, causing the pain of so many others. If only I knew, though. If only I knew what was stored...I would've never left her said. That, I'm positive of.

A sudden knock at the door, snapped me out of my thoughts. I cleared my throat, but truthfully it didn't help much.

"Come in," My voice came out shakey. My aunt Heather stepped inside my room. She offered a small smile, but it didn't meet her eyes.

"You ready?" Her voice was just as bad as mine. Instead of answering, I nodded my head numbly. She returned the nod and slowly left the room. There was no rush.

I glanced back at the mirror and was surprised to see a small tear slip off my cheek, landing in my lap. I quickly wiped it away and fled the room too, before anymore tears were wept.

***

"We all knew Bailey Averie Mayer as the sweet little girl who brought joy to us all, even at our lowest. She was kind hearted and certainly outspoken. She didn't deserve to be punished by another person's mistake, but we mustn't think in vain, for the Lord intends good. It was simply her time to leave this world and join our heavenly Father up above..." I spaced out as the words were spoken by the man speaking, up near the front of the casket.

I wore a blank expression and only thought about my little sister. Her hair, her laugh, her corny jokes; it all came back to me.

But why couldn't she?

I suddenly found myself standing up and slowly walking over to her pearl white coffin. I tied the pink balloon I was holding onto her small wrist, ever so gingerly.

It looked so out of place, surrounded by the black and white balloons, but I didnt mind and I'm pretty sure she didn't either. It reminded me of the pink balloon I had given her the morning of the accident.

She was so happy and thankful and she repeatidly squealed,"Thanks Kitty!" The memory brought a small smile to my lips, despite all the tears I was shedding.

I missed her so much, but I knew in my heart, there was nothing I could do.

I couldn't even apologize.

***

After the beautiful ceremony and everyone had left, I decided to stick around for a little while longer. Kace had offered to keep me company, but I needed to be alone.

I was fidgeting around and kept rearanging the white and pink roses on her grave. I sighed, thoughtfully, and looked up at the blue sky. There were some clouds floating around in the sky, and I figured it would rain soon. If not today, definitley sometime this week.

Bailey always loved April. She loved it specifically because of the rain. She loved the way it grew cold, yet fresh because spring would be just around the corner. She loved absolutley everything that had to do with this time of year.

"Bailey...I miss you...mom misses you..." I didn't know where these words were coming from. I just closed my eyes and let the words spill off of my tongue.

"I love you so much, Bail, a—and I hope you're safe and..." I sighed and slumped down, pressing my back against her tombstone. I started sobbing and I rested my head into the palms of my hands.

I heard a twig snap, just a few feet away from me, but I didn't dare look up. After a while, though, I gave in. I wiped away the last of my tears, and slowly glanced up. There was a boy on the other side of the tree, just resting against it.

He had his hands in his pockets and he was staring off in the distance. He looked like he had been crying, too. He was staring at nothing in particular, but began to speak.

"After all these years, you would think it would eventually get easier...but it doesn't. Honestly, it only get's harder and harder, to face the cruel reality..."

I glanced around, realizing he was talking to me. I didn't have the energy to respond verbaly, so I dropped my gaze down to my hands and simply nodded my head. I hugged my knees tight and slowly closed my eyes.

He let out a long, tired sigh and pushed himself off of the tree. Automatically, I expected him to walk away or something, but instead he gently sat down next to me.

"Truth is, I don't think you can ever overcome the pain..."

I suddenly looked up at him and again responded with a simple nod. He finally looked up at me and our gaze caught. He seemed to be searching my eyes. I slightly frowned but did the same.

I slowly took in his features and shyly looked away, feeling my cheeks begin to slightly heat up. He had honey-blonde hair that slightly fell in his crystal blue eyes. To say they were beautiful, was an understatement. They were as blue as the wide-open ocean. You can almost feel yourself drowning into them.

I must have looked like a mess, but I found myself not really caring like usually would. I felt him stand up, softly brushing my knee as he did so, and slowly turn and walk away.

Who was that stranger? And what the heck was that all about??

I stood up, as soon as he was no longer in sight, and kissed the top of Bailey's tombstone.

"See you later, Bail..."

A small, sad smile appeared on my face and I slowly began to walk away, dragging my feet against the damp grass. Although a part of me wanted to, I didn't look back.

***

That night, I found myself thinking about the funeral and that strange guy, who had appeared right after. I tossed and turned, until I found the right sleeping position. Closing my eyes, I brushed off whatever thoughts I had about him, thinking that that would be the only encounter with the mysterious stranger.

Little did I know, I was so wrong.