In The Long Run

Perfect Weather For A Heartbreak

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Perfect Weather For A Heartbreak:

　

School was pure Hell. I was given the oppertunity to just take a few weeks off of school (thanks to the guidence counselor), but no thanks. I didn't need the sympathy. Things at home were the same. I had to keep up with the house and mom was still shamelessly ignoring me.

You know, if I only had two daughters and one of them died, I would keep the other closer to me then ever. I wouldn't pretend like she didn't exist. I swear, she's so weird and she definitley needs to see more than one therapist.

I was given the option to attend therapy, as well, but I didn't think it was necessary. If I wanted to talk, there was Kace. Kace who was my boyfriend. Kace who shared the same birthday as my sister. Kace who I chose over.

Anyways, I got stared at a lot and sometimes people I didn't even know would come up to me, apologizing about my sister. It didn't help, if that's what they were trying to do. It only reminded me of how much I screwed up.

I guess I was just jealous of them. Jealous that it wasn't too late for them to apologize. They can still fix things. They can still have a relationship with their mother. Yes, jealous describes how I feel very well. But, I mean, who could really blame me? I miss my little sister.

I guess one thing I miss most, since Bailey's death, would be my relationship with my mom. We used to be so close, ever since my dad died of Lukemia when Bailey was only three. Ever sence, we had this incredible bond, that seemed like nothing could ever break. I just wish I could go back and change things, but I can't. And I guess I just have to face the facts and move on. But, I can't.

I can't just move on. It wasn't that easy. When Bail passed, I lost two loved ones, instead of one. And who was to blame? Yours truly. I know for a fact that this whole thing is my fault. But, no one just ever wants to put the blame on the bratty teenager. Yet, everyone knows that I'm to blame.

***

When lunch came around, I tightened my worn leather jacket over me. I can still remember the day I bought it. My mom made me take Bailey with me, because she needed to finish some Christmas shopping. We were walking along, when I noticed it in the window of my favorite store. Dark, black leather, silver buttons and a firm collar. It was perfect.

I pulled Bailey in after me and tried it on, asking for her opinion.

"Too dark. Try the pink one!" She squealed, pointing to the baby-pink leather jacket right next to the black. I smirked at her and began hunting for her size. When I found one, I held it up for her to see.

"How about we get two? Black for mwah, and pink for my favorite sister!" She threw her little arms around my waist in reply. She chuckled lightly, as I purchased both jackets. She gushed how much she loved our jackets. I slightly frowned, but smiled down at her, amused.

"I thought you said you didn't like my jacket?" I was just teasing, but her cheeks tinted pink anyway. She started to giggle, as she played with the ends of her blonde hair.

"I lied!" We were both giggling know and I wrapped my arms around her little body, hugging her in mines. Suddenly my mom came around the corner, smiling brightly at the two of us. Her eyes suddenly caught sight of our new jackets.

"Bail! Look at your jacket! Is that leather?" We started laughing again, but nodded our heads, timidly. I threw a protective arm around her shoulder and smiled up at my mom.

"It's just an early Christmas gift," I said, smiling back down at my little sister. My mom returned the smile and extended her hand for Bailey to take. She happily did and she slipped her other into mines.

Now, I know this picture looks quite cliche, but hey I've always said Bailey was the queen of cliche. And she totally knew it, too. Hey, if you ask me, I think cliche is good sometimes. Sometimes it's exactly what you need.

***

The day was windy and the cold was bitter. The perfect weather for a heatbreak. I guess that's what the Big Guy upstairs intended, right? As if my heart wasn't in enough pain.

After school, I called Kace to see if maybe we could hang out tonight, because I was starting to feel upset about everything. About the memories of Bailey and how everything seemed to remind me of her.

"Um, you know Kat I would, but the guys wanted to hang out and I already accepted. Besides, don't you think we've spent enough time with each other, for the week? Come on, it's the guys turn." He sounded distant, just as he had for the past few months. Since Bailey died.

Spent enough time for the week? What was that supposed to mean?

"Well...can I at least tag along?" I could hear him let out a deep sigh on the other end, and I cleared my throat. "Kace, um I've been going through a lot and-"

"Yes, Kat, I get that! But, there are other people with problems, too, okay?! Were you even aware that my parents are getting a divorce? No. You weren't. Because, you never bothered to ask about me. You're selfish and you forget that everyone has their issues. You know what? I think we need to take a break."

My throat was raw and I noticed my heart no longer beating at a healthy pace. Was he serious? He couldn't be. My sister DIED for heaven's sake! But, I do admit that I do feel a bit guilty about not knowing about his parents divorce...But a break? Does he mean like...break up? I cleared my throat.

"Kace, are you serious right now? You have to be kidding me! Look, I'm sorry about your parents, but I need you. And it's obvious you need me, too. You can't just end us like that!"

"Watch me." He hung up. What was going on? First Bail, then mom, now Kace? Who else? Nothing could get worse. I looked down at my home screen, heavy tears brimming my eyes. I threw my phone across the room. It bounced off of my closet door and landed on my blue bean bag.

I reached for my pillow and started screaming into it. I'm pretty sure my mom could hear my loud sobs, but I know she won't come to comfort me. She's long gone. My mother, the woman who gave life to me, ignores my very existence. She wants nothing to do with me. No one does. Not even myself.

Well, at least my best friend is coming back from her trip to Africa tomorrow. Then I won't be alone. For now, though, I'll just cry until my throat's too raw to take it anymore, and my eyes are too puffy to shed another tear.

I reluctantly slipped off of my bed and crawled over to my bean bag to retrieve my phone. It may have held bad memories, but it also held good music. I plugged in my earphones and blasted Shake Me Down by Cage The Elephant.

Soon, I won't be alone. I'll be with Leslie and I know she'll give me the comfort I so desperatley needed. Like I said before, nothing could get worse.

Gawd, I hope I didn't just jinks that.