//Philophobia// Michael

Chapter Five

Michael has been trying to contact me for a week. I asked to get my seat moved in our third hour. He's tried to talk to me but I would just put my head phones in.

Macie thinks I'm being a bitch for ignoring him but she doesn't understand. She doesn't get that I went through a year of my life living in denial thinking the man I loved and gave my entire heart to didn't love me back, and he cheated on me, and he..

UGH. I can't even think about it.

I arrived home today, as in Macie's home, and went straight to my bedroom. I took a mini nap before work. Today's my last day. Thank jesus hallelujah. I finally convinced Macie's mom to let me quit.

-

(A/N First time doing this in this story. I really didn't want to, but we'll see how this works.)

《Michael's POV》

I couldn't and still can't understand why Gray won't talk to me. And I hate to admit how much it's bothering me, but it really is. It's driving me crazy.

So, I'm going to go to her house and talk to her whether she wants to or not. I'm just praying this isn't the last time we talk.

-

When I got to Macie's house, I was incredibly nervous to talk to her. So here I am, standing on Macie's porch. Hesitating everytime my hand makes a move toward the big oak door. Finally, my fist is knocking and as soon as my mind realizes what my body is doing, I regret it. For a second, I consider running back to my car, but that would just make me a pussy. So, here I am, still standing on Macie's porch, on the verge of shitting my pants. Then, the door opens.

Macie is standing in the frame of the door, holding chips in one hand, the tv remote in the other. Sweatpants clung around her waist and tshirt clung to her torso.

"Oh, hey Michael." She awkwardly greeted, setting her stuff down. "Come in." She nodded.

I stepped in her home, removing my shoes.

"Is Gray here?" I wondered, sitting down on the couch.

"Scoot." She said, gesturing for me to scoot down. Clearly I sat in her spot. "She's not here at the moment, but she should be within the hour. I think she gets off at nine." She shrugged, going back to her show.

"Oh, alright. I can come back." I uttered, standing from my seat. I headed to the door to get my shoes, and realized that right now is probably to best time to hang out with Macie. Talk to her about what's going.

"Actually, can we talk?" I tsked.

"Uhm, yea sure." She nodded, pausing her show again for the second time.

We began talking about basic things, like, hey, how's it goin, bla bla bla. Then I broke into my real questions.

"Do you know why Gray won't talk to me?"

"Honestly, I couldn't tell you the one hundred percent truth, because I'm not even sure. I just know she was hurt before and that's got a lot to do with it." She admitted.

"That fuckin sucks. I mean, I get it, don't get me wrong, but I just wish she realized I'm not him. I'm not Adam." I groaned.

"It's not only him Michael. She's never had it easy. She's never had anyone steady to rely on. She's got the shit end of the deal basically since she was born. There's things about her you don't know and it's not my room to tell you. But there's still things I don't even know about her, and as much as she likes to deny it, I know I don't know everything. But she's my best friend and I'd do anything for her. And maybe she knows it, maybe she doesn't, but I know she'd do anything for me and that's why I love her so much." She went on and on. It made me understand a little better, but it still hurts irregardless of what's going on with her. But that's selfish.

"I just wish I understood." I admitted.

"I think she's afraid to love sometimes. I think it scares her. She's the type to like things that are concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know exactly what it is. I think that's why she's always struggled with God. And I also think that's why she struggles with love. She can't touch, hold on to it. She can't make sure it'll never change. You know? Does that make sense?" She finished. All I could do was nod.

Never has anyone explained something so complicated to me in such a way, that it had so much of an effect on me. It kind of bothered me honestly.

"If you don't mind, I think I'm gonna go wait in her room." I murmured.

"That's fine. I hope I helped a little." She shrugged.

-

《Gray's POV》

I'm finally on my way home from a long day of work. If four hours is long. Whatever, to me it is.

I walk in the front door to find Macie passed out on the couch with a bag of open chips laying next to her.

I grab the chips from her side just to find out the bag is empty. I tossed it on the table and head straight to the kitchen. My next food source. I rummaged around for a little before deciding on easy mac and a salad.

After I finished eating, I headed to my bedroom. I walked in and turned on the lights, throwing my belongings, aside from my phone, onto my chair. Then I noticed a big lump tangled up in the blankets on my bed.

Who the hell is sleeping in my room?

I pulled the blanket back, revealing Michael. I began to shake him awake. He stirred slightly, rubbing his face before waking up.

"Oh shit," he groaned, his voice extra groggy from just waking up. "I didn't even realize I fell asleep."

"You do this a lot you know? Sneaking into my room without me knowing. Pretending it's okay." I uttered.

"Listen, I need to talk to you." He sighed, sitting up. He patted the spot next to him. I stood.

"Okay, well. Me and Mace talked a little earlier. Made me understand a little bit more about you and why you've just decided to up and abandon me." He uttered completely unamused.

"What did you and Macie talk about?" I asked sternly.

"Nothing specific, just that you've never had a reliable person to go to when things got tough pretty much." He shrugged it off.

I was silent for a moment.

"I really don't think you should be here right now." I admitted softly.

"Can you just tell me why? What's going on? Why won't you talk to me?" He questioned.

"Okay. You want the truth?"

He nodded for me to go on. I took a deep breath.

"It's just, I'm so afraid to be happy again just to have that happiness taken from me. I don't know, maybe that's why I push people away. Maybe that's why I pushed you away. Maybe that's why I'm so guarded. And honestly, I don't think I can be happy without being loved or having the ability to love someone else. And, that's the thing, I don't know how to love." I poured my heart out, finally taking a seat next to him.

"Gray. I'm not sure what to say to that. All I can say is, you can't just give up on love because of one bad experience. I promise you, that if you just give me a chance, I will try to make you the happiest person alive." He said, gazing into my eyes.

I took a long blink and deep breath. I leaned in and gave him a kiss.

"I can't go out with you Michael."

A/N this is crazy and i was half asleep writing half of this. I'm about to go to sleep. I really hope you liked it ♡