~One year later~
10 minutes......
What do you say to your child in under the short amount of time you have with them? Do you promise safety, knowing they wouldn't be in your care anymore? Or do you tell them not to be afraid, as they look into your terrified eyes?
I'll give anything to have that last moment with them.... To feel their arms wrapped around my body tightly; not wanting to let anything, not even the air we breathe, come between us.
Every night I think about, pray about their safety. All my life I believed the only danger to my babies was their father: Jacob Colton Abernathy. But do I know the world long enough to assure myself not to worry? Not to panic?
Being 18 of age doesn't make me a woman just yet. Not yet. Even as I lay under the warm, fresh fabric next to my husband, I feel like a child. A child too afraid to look him in his eyes and take control; knowing my babies are in his hold. Too afraid to walk out from this underworld and never return again; knowing my babies lives are on the line.
Our babies......
I turn over on my side and look at my husband. His eyes are closed and his face is concentrated but young and beautiful. Just looking at him, I can see my son, Abel Thornton Abernathy, who has taken most of his features. They both share the same dark hair and nose; their lips just as plump and full. I take my hand and brush his face; almost wishing to hear Abel's voice call me Mommy one more time.
And then there's my daughter, Delilah Alitzah Abernathy. The concentration on his face resembles the same on my daughter's. Its almost like they focus on sleeping; like if they loose their concentration, they'll loose their hold on their sleep.
I brush a strand of hair from his eyes and they open. My hand stops moving and I look him in his dark green eyes.
Abel's eyes.
The tears sting my eyes and I remove my hand. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"Never was I asleep," he says. His hand finds me underneath the comforter and he pulls me closer. His big strong arm rests just along my side. I can smell the wine and beef from dinner just a few hours ago. My hand rests on his shoulder and slowly rubs down his bare chest.
"I can't sleep," I whisper, not looking into his eyes. "I haven't slept all day."
"And why is that?"
Because I am haunted by the sounds of my babies scream as you pulled us apart.
Because I can still feel my heart breaking into a million pieces when you threatened to punish me if I ever breathe my babies names in your presence.
Because......
"I'm just nervous about tomorrow, that's all," I lie. "What if I mess up?"
A smile appears on his face. "There is no messing up, my love. Only if you step out of line and I know you wouldn't do such a thing, now will you?" His tone is threatening and his eyes hardens. "Because I would hate having to make a scene in front of everyone."
Will you really? Or would you enjoy every second of it?
My throat locks up and I shake my head in response. He eyes me closely before closing his eyes; ending the conversation.
