All The Right Buttons (student/teacher story)

15. Bad bad day

This chapter contains scenes that you might find upsetting and triggering for people who self harm. Thank you <3

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I spent most of the weekend asleep as the pain tablets made me really tired but when I wasn't asleep I was checking my phone to see if J had text but of course he hadn't and by Sunday evening I had gone through every possibility of why he hadnt text me and I decided to go to college on Monday even though my ribs were hurting even more

As Monday rolled around I re-wrapped the bandage on my ribs and removed the one on my wrist knowing it would only draw more attention. I got dressed and walked to school which was incredibly painful with my ribs but I had no other option. I reached college thinking that I might pass out from the pain but I knew I had music first and that meant possible answers! I walked into form when Miss Taylor hurried over

"Eva my goodness are you okay? You look faint!"

"I'm fine miss I just didn't sleep well but thanks for the compliment miss" I laughed it off hoping she wouldn't mention it again, I was lucky as she walked off probably not believing me. The bell sounded as I walked towards music.

I walked into the room and Mr Downes was sat behind his desk which I had learnt was probably a bad omen for us

"You left me in the hospital" I stated

"Correct" came Js short response

"Why?" I had to know why he left me when it was obvious how much pain I was in

"Shouldn't you still be there anyway?" J asked without a inch of concern showing which began to anger me even more

"Your right I should still be in bed resting but your fucking arrogance meant that I had to come in and see you and maybe my ribs wouldn't look like this" I lifted up my shirt to show him the damage

"Go home Eva you shouldn't be here and that's a order" he didn't even blink as he looked at my ribs for only a second

"Is that a order from my teacher or the guy who I thought wanted me?" And with that I walked out of the door

My ribs were beginning to hurt with the all the movement but I needed a distraction so I went to history hoping that it wouldn't be a repeat of last time. I walked in and I was lucky that I was early so I could get to my seat and sit quietly hoping no one would notice which worked until Aiden walked in and completely ruined my plan

"Sir, could I borrow Eva for the rest of the lesson?" Aiden addressed Mr Edwards without looking at me once

"What for?" Mr Edwards answered

"We need to practice since she's missed the last few rehearsals"

"So for no reason then?" Mr Edwards obviously didn't believe him and I felt people beginning to stare at me, I stood up and walked out hoping that it would stop the argument that was about to happen between the who. I walked down to the music department with Aiden following and not saying a word. We walked down to the music department and he led me into the practice room but I soon rounded on him

"Why did you pull me out of history obviously for a practice that wasn't going to happen?"

"Honestly? Because I miss you and the fire your displaying your right now" I was shocked at his response but I realised that I could confront him about everything that had happened

"Yeah well your suddenly with Clare and you've crushed me Aiden! You've made my name dirt not only in this school but in this town because look at what you've done" I almost shouted as I pulled my shirt open not caring and showed him the stitches in my collar bone and bruises on my ribs that were even more obvious.

Aiden shocked me though by tracing his finger along the pattern of the bruises on ribs and started tracing upwards towards my neck when I finally realised what was happening and I backed up quickly but not quick enough as J walked in with my shirt undone and the look of hurt/disappointment/disgust he walked back out. I went to chase after him till Aiden pulled me back sharply

"Why are you running after our teacher instead of staying what we started?"

"Because Aiden you don't mean anything to me anymore" and I walked out the room quickly as I walked as quick as I could to Mr Downes' office without catching too much attention. I walked into his office without knocking and I saw him sat at his desk with his head in his hands

"Nothing happened" I didn't know what else to say

"I don't care Eva" I knew he had to care because otherwise he wouldn't look so devastated

"You don't care that he had his hands on my body or that he was about to kiss me before you walked in?" Mr Downes began to get more and more angry but I was equally as angry but I couldn't stop "what about the fact that I was going to sleep with him in the room that we were together in?" That wasn't true but I needed a reaction and I needed a reaction

"You let him touch him where I've held and touched you" J looked like he was ready to hurt somebody and it crossed my mind that it might be me so I backed up away from him but he continued "you want somebody that's not afraid to hurt you and make you feel worthless?" He raised his hand up and I cowered away from him

"You promised" I sobbed at him hoping that his hand wouldn't actually connect

"You know what Eva you don't even deserve any of my touch and I should have kept you on your knees like in the practice room and you are a slut and what all the teachers and students have been saying is true and I don't even know why I've been bothering to stick up for you because all that's happened is that I've been made to look like the fool I am SO JUST GET OUT" I didn't know what else to do other than run out of his office and I didn't stop till I had reached the street. I instantly regretted running as I felt the pain in my ribs but that didn't stop me running all the way home.

As I got home I realised that I had left my bag which had everything including my keys, I walked round to the back of the house hoping that a window or the back door might be open but I was out of luck. My ribs were killing and I just wanted to lye down and sleep so I picked up a rock so I could smash the back door window and reach my hand in to open the latch on the back door but I cut my arm on the glass and the feeling rushed back to me of when I cut my wrist and I needed more even though the blood was dripping down my arm.

I had to take the stairs slowly but I reached my bedroom and I walked over to my desk and got the blade that I used for when I needed deeper cuts. My body went onto auto drive and I walked into the bathroom knowing that there would probably be a lot of blood but all I could think of was everything that had happened over the past few weeks and I felt like nothing could get any worse. I sat on the bathroom floor and got a towel so I could clean the blood up that would come, I drove the blade into my wrist and instead of pulling sidewards I pulled upwards and a long line of blood appeared but I didn't stop at that wrist I moved onto my other arm not caring anymore about what happened to me. The blood started dripping down my arms I started to feel faint and I began to loose consciousness as I saw someone walk into the bathroom my mind flittered to J but I know he didn't care and with that I passed out on the floor but I felt someone wrap towels round my arms and begin to try and shake me awake but I just drifted further away from the present

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Thank you for reading and voting and if you need someone to talk to your more than welcome to talk to me <3