All The Right Buttons (student/teacher story)

6. The fight

I'm going to warn people now that this chapter deals with self harm so please if you feel like this might trigger you please don't read it, I know how much damage these scenes in a book can cause in real life.

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"Why do I alway find you in here?" Asked the unmistakable voice of Mr Downes

"Because it's the only place I feel safe in the whole of the damn school, now if you don't mind?" Was the honest answer I gave as I indicated to the door for him to leave as I wasn't in the mood to hear his bullshit as I had band practice after school and I sure as hell wasn't going to give Aiden any reason to try and show me up or drag me off to the side for 'practice'

"Actually I do mind, I think we need to talk"

"I'm not in the mood to hear any of the cliches like 'we're student and teacher' or 'this didn't mean anything' I'm tired and I want to be by myself"

"Well guess what your going to hear them Eva, this shouldn't happen but fuck I can't get the sound of you moaning out of my head or the taste of your neck out of my mouth and this isn't some deceleration of love this is me saying that right now I need to be in you and hear you crying out my name"

Mr Downes moved slowly towards me and wrapped my ponytail around his hand as he carried on saying

"But this time I'm going to be in charge of every time you moan and every time you cum because after all I am the teacher"

He moved me onto the table and opened my shirt to reveal that I still had on my favourite lacy bra

"Damn I think your trying to kill me Eva, and since you like being on your knees so much I think it's time you practiced your skills again" as he pushed me onto the floor as he opened his fly

As I finished he pulled me up off the floor and brushed off my knees and kissed down my neck, but I was beyond annoyed as I replayed what he said in my head

"You think you can treat me like how Aiden treated me? Your wrong I deserve better than being pushed to my knees and don't you ever speak to me other than a teacher again, understand?" And with that I walked out the room beginning to wonder if its just me.

I couldn't bare the one other lesson I had that day or to face Aiden although I knew I'd pay for missing band practice but I didn't care anymore about either of them.

As I reached home the clouds had set in around me and I knew that I only had one answer.

I walked into my bedroom and found the sewing needle that I kept in my desk draw for moments like this. I pulled the needle across my wrist in the same place creating a large deep beautiful scratch that I knew I would regret in the morning but it was a coping mechanism I'd have since I was 13 and I wasn't about to let it go after all it was my body.

I washed the scratch and inspected the other scars on wrist remembering what each of them meant, I knew how to keep them away from people's view and how to keep them clean from previous experience but I wasn't ashamed of them they were my battle of still being here I just knew people wouldn't understand.

I glanced at the clock and decided that since it was only 2 in the afternoon I would go back to band rehearsal and show them both that I was stronger than they could imagine.

The walk back to 6th form felt like a fight just keep walking itself but as I reached the school I checked my makeup, straightened my clothes, pulled down my sleeves and walked in knowing that I couldn't show I was broken.

"Look what the cat dragged in" came the high squeaky voice of Liz, Aidens friend/groupy

"I know aren't I wonderful?" I replied in the most sing songy voice I could muster as I walked away

I screwed my saxophone together and sat down next to Aiden while staring straight ahead not giving him the pleasure of knowing he affected me

"We need to talk" was the cliche line I heard Aiden whisper next to me while also staring straight ahead

I had heard that line enough for the rest of life not just that day

"Why what do you want to say now? Or are you hoping I'll forgive you become best of friends then screw me like the whore I am and walk away again?"

"No I don't want to apologise or 'screw you like the whore that you are' I need to know that you're okay? I shouldn't have walked away but I won't say sorry because that's the reaction that I had I can't let people close"

"That's the bullshit reason your giving? I told you everything and you knew how I felt but in that moment you decided to walk away you stopped caring and the moment you made me look pathetic in front of the entire school was the moment I stopped caring about you, whatever we were its over, so over" I knew I wouldn't be able to sit next to him for the next hour after that so I made my excuses packed up and walked home glad that I had the next day off 6th form.

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If any of those feelings to do with self harm or anything sound familiar please feel free to talk to me or anyone I know people will find it hard to understand but trust me I understand and will listen, but please try :)