Shadows Of My Heart

Survivor

I cut and I bleed,

Just to know that I'm alive,

What life is it when all I want,

Is for it to end,

The tears stream down my face,

As I feel my life come crumbling down,

If you can't feel anything,

How do you know what is real and what is not,

I hear the echo of my unbroken soul,

As it softly starts to disappear,

The pain is life's strongest feeling,

It can be the worst thing in the world,

But to others it is their best friend,

To the friends of pain,

I know what it feels like,

The pain can get addictive,

Like a drug that you need to survive,

The pain of the blade as you drag it across,

The lines of blood it leaves in its wake,

The blood the starts to drip and slip to the ground below,

You try to stop it from staining to ground,

So no-one may find your dirty, little secret,

You put anything you can find,

Onto your cuts in the hope of it stopping,

But it doesn't,

It continues to bleed,

To drip onto the floor beneath you,

Staining the brilliant white a bright crimson red,

Your sight starts to turn black,

As your body stops trying to fight,

You start to softly cry,

This was not your intention,

You never wanted to die,

You just wanted to feel the pain,

Your heart is beating slower and slower,

As the puddle of blood beneath you gets bigger,

An angel appears above you,

Telling you that it is not your time to die,

That you are too young,

With too much still to live,

They sent you back and you wake up,

Surrounded with people in white and machines,

All you can hear is muttered voices and loud abnoxious beeping sounds,

Your family is sleeping against each other,

Waiting for when you awaken,

To tell you how sorry they are,

For not seeing the pain you were feeling inside,

They kiss your forehead,

And give you a hug,

Telling you over and over,

How much they love you,

How much it hurts them to see you like this,

You look them all in the eye,

And take a deep breath in to gather courage,

You open your mouth to say something,

But the words get caught in your throat,

You try again and this time succeed,

You tell them all that you didn't blame them,

And that they shouldn't blame themselves either,

After you are healthy again,

You get released back home with your family,

And slowly get better,

You cut yourself less and less,

You no longer feel alone as you know your family is there,

You recover from your past,

But the scars will forever,

Mark themselves upon your skin to let everyone know,

What kind of struggle you fought against,

You show your scars of proudly as they are the scars,

Of a survivor,

Not a survivor against another being,

Someone a lot more dangerous than someone else,

You fought against yourself and won,

You survived,

You are strong,

You are living in the future forgetting the past,

Well done on overcoming your addiction,

I am still working on overcoming mine,

But with a little faith,

I will get there in the end,

I will be a survivor,

Just like you!