Brad and Courtney let me go first. I was still feeling pretty nauseous and tried to convince them to go in first so I can try and get rid of the nausea, but they wouldn't budge. I stood outside Ivan's door for what it felt like hours but it was only like 3 minutes. I took a deep breath and stepped in.
Ivan lay there motionless, the beeping of the heart monitor and the sound of the vent echoed in my mind. He looks peaceful and so angelic. His nose and under his eyes though are heavily bruised from Amy breaking his nose and the doctor ended up having to set it. Pulling a chair over to his side of the bed feeling pretty dizzy, I quickly sat down. I needed to take a second to regain myself and just kept taking deep breaths matching the rise and fall of his chest.
The nurse steps in and glances at me with a sympathetic look. That didn't make me feel any better.
"How is he?" My question comes out shaky.
"Pretty much the same." She answers. "You're his fiancé right?"
I nod yes and squeeze his hand.
"I'm so sorry for what you've both been through. Just stay by his side and talk to him. He can still hear you." She places a hand on my shoulder and walks out of the room.
I do what she said and talk away while continuing to hold his hand. After telling him that my mom and dad were taking me car shopping tomorrow because of what happened with my car I decide to tell him how much I need him to wake up, how much I miss him and that I was going to slowly move in. At the mention of moving in the machines start beeping like crazy and all kinds of alarms start going off. I sit there stunned, unable to move. The doctor flies in!
"Code blue!" He yells "code blue!"
The same nurse that was just in here comes running in with a cart. I watch with horror still not able to move.
She turns to me and I know what's coming next. "Honey you will have to leave, I'll come out and talk to you once he's stabilized."
Next thing I know I'm bolting out of the room toward the bathroom, tears streaming down my face and barely made it to the toilet before losing everything I had in my stomach. I sat on the floor for a minute or so trying to calm down. I finally managed to stand up, flush and step out of the stall. Courtney was standing there with a questioning look in her eyes.
"What's wrong Ella?"
"I don't know, my stomachs been upset all day and Ivan crashed and I just don't know how to handle it all." I begin to cry again collapsing into her arms.
"Oh Ella. I'm here for you, don't worry I'll help you through it all." She says trying to calm me. "You said Ivan crashed?"
"Yes. I better get to the waiting room, the nurse said she will come talk to me once they have him stabilized."
She slings her arm over my shoulder and leads me to the waiting room. We fill Brad in and we sit and wait in silence.
Brad is pacing, at least an hour has gone by and still nothing. I went up to the desk and she had no updates.
After another 45 minutes finally the doctor comes out removing an apron with blood all over it. He has that look on his face, the one people get when they are about to deliver bad news. I think to myself please don't be dead please don't be dead please say he will be ok please please please.
