Fair Share of the Past

FortyThree-Giving Up Lance

Chapter Forty Three

"Mommy. i brought you fruits oh. wake up na." i kissed her cheeks and put the fruits on the table.

"who stayed with you the whole night mommy? you missed me? i miss you too. sorry i wasnt able to go back last night. nagkita kami ni lolo eh. then Lance went to my penthouse and we chatted for a few hours. so ayon mommy." ngumiti ako sa kanya kahit nakapikit sya.

"Know what mommy. i still love Lance. i never stopped loving him when i was away. too bad he found somebody else. hala. nagiging masochista na ko mommy. di na ko nakamove on eh." umupo ako sa tabi nya.

"Sana mommy kaya kong ibalik yung dati no? ang bitter ko kaya. sana kaya kong ibalik yung dati. yung masaya kami no? kasi alam mo ba Mommy. i would give anything just to have it back. kahit ano mommy. ibalik lang nya si Lance saken." tumingin ako sa kanya. "sagutin mo naman ako My. o kaya yakapin mo na ko. namimiss ko na yakap mo eh." nung di pa rin sya sumagot. nalungkot ako. siguro di ako naririnig ni Mommy.

"Ate!" nagulat ako nung niyakap ako ni Leila saka umiyak. hala? Leila?

"hey. what happened? bat ka umiiyak baby?" niyakap ko sya saka pinat yung likod nya.

"I heard you talking to Mommy Au." she said while sobbing.

"and?" i asked

"Bat mo pinapahirapan sarili mo Ate?" umiiyak na tanong nya.

"Hindi naman ah?" i said and smiled.

"You still Love kuya. i heard you Ate. but why wont you fight for him again? bakit ate? ayaw mo na ba kong maging little sister?" tumawa ako sa sinabi nya saka niyakap sya ng mas mahigpit.

"of course not. Baby. Kaya nga di ko na pinaglalaban yung kuya mo eh." napatingin sya saken "kasi mahal ko sya. cant you see Baby? kapag magkasama kami nagkakasakitan lang din kami. iiyak ako. masasaktan sya. dont you think its better off this way? na masaya na yung kuya mo kay Alaine?" i touched her cheeks.

"but you love him Ate. it will hurt you seeing them. being with them and everything that has to do with them. panu pag nagpakasal na sila ate? it will definitely break your heart." she cried again. pinunasan ko yung luha nya.

"of course. it will break my heart to pieces and it may crush my very soul. but at least i can see happy smiles on your kuya's face. its enough reason for me to let it go. yeah. it will hurt forever. i may never be the same again but i'll be happy for him baby. i'll be happy seeing him like that. at least one of us is happy right?" napatingin sya saken.

"thats so absurd!" she exclaimed.

"no baby. its not. sometimes when you love someone. you just have to let them go. not because you dont love them anymore. but because you love them that much and you're willing to sacrifice including your own happiness just for them to be happy even if it means having to spend the rest of your life being miserable. sometimes Leila.

Letting somebody go means

Loving them so much more.."

***

"are you okay?" tumingin lang si Leila sakin pero hindi nagsalita. di rin ako kinausap kanina nung sinundo ko sya sa hospital. sinilip ko din si Mommy saka nagtanong sa condition nya. pagpasok ko kanina sa suite ni Mommy nandun sila ni Venice kanina. natutulog sya habang nakayakap si Venice sa kanya. yakap ni Leila si Venice sa bewang.

"bat namamaga yung mata mo?" i asked. kanina pa sya ganyan eh. kasama ko kasi si Alaine kanina nung sinundo ko sya. hindi naman nya sinungitan si Alaine pero hindi rin sya nagsasalita. nag aalala na ko. hindi normal sa kanya yung ganto. mas gugustuhin ko pang sinusungitan nya ako saka si Alaine kesa ganyan sya na hindi umiimik.