The Shield (Prince Harry fanfic #2)

Chapter Sixteen

It felt good, the kiss, and both wanted to continue. It wasn't just the wanting but the needing to continue. There was something beautiful about the kiss, the ability to live again. There was something about the moment that they wanted; they needed to feel it. They were free, but eyes were watching.

Lucy pulled back and Harry rested back. "Drive," he ordered, and the driver pulled away from the curb. The car lurched and lights flashed. His eyes rested on Lucy in happiness; she was beside him at last. "He can't say anything."

Smiling painfully, she nodded. Lucy still didn't like it. There was a fear within in her again, like someone would've saw. Even if she wanted a life with Harry, was she willing to give up her old life? She didn't believe so. Her eyes glanced out the window, as they turned out of the back alley. The headlights jumped off of the wall and hit her, blinding her. It reminded her of the sun, and she gulped. She remembered the heat on her skin, from many places. Then there was sadness.

"Luce," Harry called to her, and she looked over. "It's good to see you."

She smiled politely. "It's wonderful to see you again." Lucy had moved to the other side of the car, as if to distance herself from him.

He didn't want to push her for more, but he wanted her to speak honestly. "Luce, please, be honest with me."

"I'm honest with you a lot."

"Please, Luce." He drummed his fingers on the leather seat, wanting to grab Lucy's hand, to hold her, but he kept to himself. "How are you?"

She paused, and then nodded. "I took down a gunman, Harry, for the second time in my life." She let the words sink in. "For the second time in my life, I had a gun pointed at me, and for the second time in my life, I had to fight my way out of it." Her eyes caught his eyes, and Lucy cleared her throat. "I thought I was going to die, like I do every time. I feared for my life, and I feared for everyone else's life. But still, no. I thought I wasn't going to be good enough, and thankfully I was." Her eyes burned. "I don't want to die."

He swallowed.

"As you're well aware, Harry, I'm always okay. I know how to be okay." She brushed her hair behind her left ear. "I know how to act as if I'm okay. I did that, and I do that all the time."

"I don't want you to do that," he admitted. "I want you to be okay for real and forever."

Lucy moved her hand out, strong and straight. Her fingers brushed along the back of his hand, and then she gripped it. There was the connection again. "Thank you, but it isn't possible."

"I believe--"

"We're all human, Harry, and we all fall. I am no different, even when I act like I'm not human."

Harry paused, believing her. "You said I needed to be human."

"You do."

"You need to be human too."

Shaking her head, she stared forward. "I've been human, Harry, and I hated it." Lucy let go of his warm hand.

Harry tried a smile but failed. "So you want me to be human?" Lucy cracked a smile and he went along with it. "You want me to hate being human?"

Her eyes traveled over to him. "I think you'll like it; maybe even love it. Being human is a great thing, but it really can suck."

Harry met her gaze, and he leaned in. There were only inches between their faces, and he wanted to close the space between their bodies. He knew Lucy would never let it go that far. But he wished to touch her skin again. "When was the last time being human was great for you?" he asked.

"Honestly?" Lucy wondered.

"Yes."

"Now."

Harry swallowed. "And the time before this?"

"When we were in Africa."

"At the end?"

Lucy shook her head. Her hair bounced everywhere. "The whole time," she swallowed, "beginning when you showed up."

Harry was so close, and he wanted to touch her. Happiness cornered him when she spoke. Then, suddenly he dared to ask. "When was the last time being human was great before me?"

Lucy froze and then leaned back, away from him, against the door of the car, as if she was trying to get away.

"I think I know," Harry continued, and she wished he wouldn't. "I think the greatness day before me was November eleventh. I'm correct."

His eyes met hers, and her eyes were tearful. There was something in her mind that she wanted to say but she couldn't. She didn't agree with him, and she didn't yell at him. She couldn't form the words to say to him. Lucy wished to not be silenced, and he hadn't meant to silence her. But she then just sat there, staring at him. He worried suddenly that he crossed a line, and then he knew he crossed the line.

"Luce, I'm--"

"Stop the car," she commanded.

"Luce--"

"I said stop the car!" she yelled, and she was completely angry. She could've started a war.

The car peeled off to the side of the darkening road, and it stopped completely. The car hadn't unlocked yet, but Lucy would break the windows before staying here for another moment.

"Luce, I'm sorry," Harry said quickly. "I overstepped boundaries."

"It wasn't your story to tell, Harry. It isn't your life to tell."

He swallowed and shrunk back.

"You live inside a bubble, Harry, where the world moves around you. The world continues to move, and if you don't move with it, you're dead." She stared at him. "I have lived through hell and back, and I did some things I don't want to talk about. My life is constantly trying not to die. All I want, Harry, is to survive."

Nodding, Harry waited for silence to fall apart. "Is that all you want out of life?"

"That's all I can have."

"Forever?"

"Now."

Harry reached out and held her hands. "What if I said I wanted more out of life with you? Would you want that too?"