Turn Off The Dark (Frerard)

Part Fifteen

-Frank's POV-

Gerard took a lot of naps in the following days. Medicated naps, but naps all the same. Always claimed he 'wanted to stop the noise for a little while', and if it was keeping him healthy, I wasn't about to object. However, I liked to be present, make sure he didn't overdose. Gerard had a bad habit, as I noted, of just popping a random amount of pills at a time with no regard for dosages or side effects. I felt the least I could do was watch over him in case something happened. Conversation amounted to little, but it didn't bother me. As stereotypically creepy as it sounds, I liked to watch him sleep.

In the time while Gerard was off in Dreamland, I was on my mother's shitty old laptop. Searching. I had only heard Gerard's surname a few times in my life, but it was apparently a fairly common one, complicating my efforts.

After some hard work and a few phone calls, I claimed success.

----

I was hanging in Gerard's apartment, tentative, anticipatory. I had managed to convince Gerard not to take his nap today, and in lieu of sleep I quietly watched him draw.

Then, there it was. A knock on the door.

Gerard's head swung up, thoroughly confused.

"What the hell? The only one that ever comes up here is you."

I feigned cluelessness. "Maybe it's Miss Jean?"

"Yeah, but why?" Gerard dragged himself up and over to the door, and I stood behind him as he opened it.

There stood a boy my age, tall, lanky. Other than a few aesthetic differences, the most accurate way to describe the rest of him was, well, he looked like a skinnier version of Gerard. That'll happen with family.

The boy spoke. "Hey, Gee. Been a while."

Gerard stood slack-jawed in the doorway, and it took him a long moment to muster up the name. "Mikey?"

"Yeah." Mikey Way smiled slightly in a very Gerard-esque fashion and slipped into the apartment, all the while keeping his eyes on his older brother.

"How-"

"I invited him here" I cut in.

Gerard whirled to face me, the look on his face one of panic.

"You don't even know what happened with-"

"Oh, Gerard, come on. I'm not still worked up over that. I get it. Or I at least tell myself I do." Mikey took a seat at the kitchen(ette) table as if he had a thousand times before.

Gerard still looked distressed. "How do you 'get over' your own brother attempting to murder you?"

Shit.

Mikey sighed and looked up at his brother. There was unwavering faith in his eyes.

"You weren't yourself that night, Gerard. I know that. You know that. And I'll always stand by you as my older brother. I've been searching for you ever since, after you left. So when Frank called me, I had to come. I wanted to tell you I forgive you, and I want to help you."

Gerard shifted from foot to foot. "Help me?"

"Frank told me you rarely leave this apartment, and you're cutting again."

Gerard gave a breathy, bitter chuckle and looked away. "Again? I never stopped."

Mikey stood up and hugged his brother, mumbling something that made Gerard gasp, and start to cry. Realizing this was private family business, I excused myself to Gerard's bathroom.

It was a shitty (no pun intended) little bathroom, just the basics- toilet, sink, mirror, cramped shower, complete with a severely faded flowery shower curtain. At that point I made a mental note to make fun of Gerard for it on a happier day.

Unsure of what to do, I snooped in the little medicine cabinet concealed behind the mirror. Some bottles of Prozac- empty- a hairbrush, a toothbrush, toothpaste, tweezers- all generally boring. But the bottom row presented a whole new ballgame- a neat little assortment of razor blades, varying in size, newness, and sharpness.

The biggest one looked to be the oldest- duller, and stained dark with what was undeniably blood. My stomach lurched as I pictured Gerard slicing into his wrist.

The smallest was untouched- not stained, new, but sharp as hell. Just poking my fingertip with the edge was enough to cause some pain. The lurch came again at the though of what it would be used for. I didn't trust Gerard to restrain his urges, not yet. So I carefully took each blade- numbering fifteen in all- wrapped them in an old hand towel and placed said towel cautiously in the large center pocket of my oversize Misfits hoodie. At the worst, Gerard would be pissed as hell. At the best, it would hinder his self harm, at least for the time being.

I casually walked back out of the bathroom. Mikey and Gerard were huddled together on the couch, talking in low voices. Mikey looked stern, and Gerard listened intently.

When I made for the door, it grabbed Gerard's attention.

"Frankie, where are you going?"

Frankie. That was new. He'd sounded like he was whining. What a cutie. I resisted the urge to smile and turned to the brothers.

"You guys are having a family moment, I should go. I could really use a nap anyway." I yawned, as if to punctuate my sentence.

"Are you sure? You can nap here if you want, it's okay." Gerard's pout was so fucking cute that I lost my ability to say no.

"Well.. okay, I'll crash on your bed. But I gotta run down front first."

"Okay." Gerard looked pleased with himself, and I could hardly stand it.

Nevertheless, I had one more thing to do. I traveled downstairs to the front desk, where I took the hand towel full of blades and stashed it in a secluded bottom drawer that only I used. I would have to find time to get rid of them when I wasn't so suddenly exhausted.

I made my way back upstairs and snuggled into Gerard's sheets, preparing for a much-needed nap. Mikey, apparently tired as well, had opted to nap on the couch, leaving Gerard to his drawing.

Of course, twenty minutes and I still couldn't sleep. I heard Gerard's chair scrape the floor as he stood up, and listened to his quiet footsteps come my way. I kept my eyes closed to give the impression that I was sleeping.

"Frankie?" he whispered.

I kept my eyes shut but whispered back. "Yeah."

"I'm.. can I- I'm tired too."

I cracked one eye open and turned over to face him. "D'you want me to take the floor?"

"No.."

Then it clicked.

"Gerard, do you want to cuddle?"

"Nobody's ever cuddled with me before" he whispered, sounding very alone and very small. It made my heart physically hurt.

"You doll. Come here." I offered my arms, all reason and worry leaving me.

Gerard looked apprehensive, but not enough not to lay down with me, snuggle up under the covers and wiggle towards me. I wrapped him in my arms and he hugged me as best he could. Warmth and a feeling of safety were strong.

"Thank you" Gerard whispered.

"No problem. We'll be cuddle buddies" I said softly, inhaling his scent (coffee and something sweet). Positively intoxicating.

Gerard giggled and nuzzled close.

Wouldn't you know that this time, not only was it easy to fall asleep, it was to the beating of our hearts in perfect time