Turn Off The Dark (Frerard)

Part Twenty-Two

-Gerard's POV-

"Look, Frank.. I really like you, and I can't hold that back anymore. I understand if you don't feel the same, but I had to get that out."

I sighed. Nope. Too simple and teen movie-esque. I had rehearsed at least ten things to say overnight and found nothing I could deem acceptable to say to him.

"Focus, Gerard" I said to myself, bowing my head. I was still sitting that way when Frank slipped in the door.

"You okay?"

I looked up, couldn't help smiling at the sight of him. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little bit tired."

"Did you not sleep?" Frank sat at the chair by my drafting table and I shrugged.

Come on, Gerard. Say something.

But my mouth stayed shut, and a long moment of silence ensued. And then,

"Is this ME?"

Shit. I raced to my table, shoving in front of his chair, and hastily hid my unfinished drawing of Frank in a stack of papers.

"Nah, nah" was all I could make myself say, but Frank was smiling.

"You're cute" he stated. I stopped moving and glanced at him, amused, but with a pounding heart. "Am I?"

He nodded, unapologetic.

"I find you're not only cute in a physically attractive way, but also just the way you do things. I don't know. I like you."

"Well. Uh.. thanks" I murmured, my cheeks flushing pink. I wasn't sure the tense he had meant that in, but I was dying to ask. Like as in, like me as a person? As a friend? Something more? Someone he could grow to love?

"Would you come out with me tonight?"

That caught my attention. I snapped a look at Frank.

"What?"

"You heard me. I said, would you come out with me tonight?" Frank repeated, but I was already shaking my head.

"Oh, Frankie.. you know I can't do that. You know I can't just 'go out'.. or something."

Franks stood up and put his hands on my shoulders. "Please? I'll be with you. You're not dangerous. I'll show you the outside world can be beautiful, you just have to give it the chance. You just have to trust me."

Frank leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forehead, my cheek. "Please."

I could barely hear him over the rush of blood roaring in my ears.

"I- uh.. I don't know."

Frank smiled halfheartedly. "At least think about it? For me?"

"Alright.. I'll try to keep an open mind. I'll take some anxiety medication and we'll see how I feel later" I said, and my heart was warmed by the smile on his adorable face.

"Thank you." he kissed my cheek again.

----

Frank and I took a nap together after I had swallowed my pills, his head on my shoulder as he cuddled close to me. I kept my arms around him, and though I only slept a little bit, I felt as refreshed as he looked upon waking.

"Did you think about it?" Frank turned over on his stomach, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah," I said, and took a deep breath. "I'll go with you.. but only for a little while, and not long."

"Sure, sure, whatever you need. I'll go change!" Frank jumped up and found the little bag, where he always kept some clothes in my home.

"I'll uh. Shower, I guess" I shrugged. Grabbing a towel, I slipped into the bathroom and locked the door behind me.

My shower time was sacred to me. It was a time for me to think, and I could open my mind in a way that just didn't seem possible when not under a hot stream of water.

I turned on the water, letting steam fill the room as I stripped down and for a modest second, gave glance at my own body. Not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Too pudgy in certain places, oddly shaped in others. Feminine hips and thick, but not fat, legs. Ugh.

As I stepped into my shower, tilting my head back to let my hair soak, I thought about Frank, where this little journey far from my comfort zone would take us. In conjunction, it occurred to me that I was still being selfish, that Frank deserved much better than a pudgy, semi-reclusive maniac that had already tried to kill him once.

But then.. if he decided he wanted me. It WAS his choice, ultimately.. I reached for the shampoo. I couldn't tell him no, wouldn't tell him no of he wanted me.. Rinse. I told myself I would never harm him again, but could I be sure.. no, I honestly couldn't be.. Used conditioner, reached for the soap. Winced a little as I touched the stitched-up stab wound that had been meant for the boy in the other room. Rinsed, turned off the water. As I dried off, I thought about what I'd just consented to; not since I was a very small child had I stepped outside without a purpose. Only when I was in dire need of food, or pills, never just to 'take a stroll' or 'enjoy the weather'. I hoped my psyche could handle it for a little while.

I threw on the cleanest band shirt and jeans I could find, brushed my teeth vigorously, and deemed myself ready to go, shaking out my wet hair as I exited the bathroom.

----

Frank held my hand as he walked me to a relatively wooded and quiet area off a path not too far from my home.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"The park, silly. There's a little waterfall up here. It's pretty, unpopulated.. I figured it was a good place for you to be, not used to being out of the house and all."

He cared so much about my needs, in a way nobody had before. And that tore it. I stopped walking.

"Frankie."

He turned, hand still in mine. "Yeah?"

I hesitated for a fraction of a second, then closed the gap between us and kissed him.

Frank responded by throwing both arms around my neck, pulling himself closer to me, and I rested my hands on the small of his back. I could feel his smile, the way he felt against me, the soft coolness of his lips, and I felt alive.

Just an innocent kiss, Frank soon pulled back and dropped down on his heels again.

"Glad we got that out of the way" he giggled, and hugged me close.

"I really like you" I said dumbly, as if he hadn't already figured that out.

Frank took my hand and tugged gently. "I really like you, too. And that was nice. C'mon! I still think you'll love this little waterfall."

I smiled as he pulled me along. So precious, the way he valued our kiss, but didn't let romantic tension get in the way of our fun.

The little waterfall was quite beautiful, a hush of clear liquid falling about eight or ten feet down a formation of soaking rocks that led to a stream, surrounded by trees and moss, even a few birds flitted around.

Frank sat down on the edge of a waterside rock and sighed contentedly when I sat and leaned against him.

"This is my favorite place to be. I come here to think a lot. Even slept here a few times when things at home were really bad." Frank stroked my hand and I kissed his cheek.

"You didn't have to share something so personal with me" I said.

"Yeah, but I wanted to. You mean a lot me, as does this place. The two things together makes it even better." Frank hugged me.

I held onto him and closed my eyes, and there we stayed, silent, until evening turned to dark and starry night.