Shit, I had forgotten how much a hangover hurts.
Imagine my surprise when I woke up with a letter that I do not remember writing to you! Apparently I had decided that I was going to do this frequently, so why not do it daily?
Today is my last day at home. My mother said that I cannot hide away from reality forever, she thinks that I am in denial. But I am not.
I know that you are dead and I know that you will never read these letters. So I am not in denial. I just don't want to attend my classes tomorrow. I don't want to see people looking at me with pity in their eyes. I just want to avoid them.
I hate the way you are making me feel. I used to love going out and hanging around people, and now I just want to stay in my bed staring at the ceiling and being lost in my thoughts.
The ceiling reminds me of a book I once read when I was a child, The Man in the Ceiling. It was basically about a boy who was horrible at sports but was amazing at drawing. And he reminds me of you. How can you possess me to a point that a frigging ceiling reminds me of you?
Maybe my mum is right, it's time I leave my room. Maybe me going back to my classes will take my mind off of you, seeing as we never went to the same school and I might not feel your presence in everything I do.
But then again, I am not quite sure if it is what I want. It seems like everything I do is to try and get you off my mind, and I am scared that maybe I will succeed and the only things I have left of you (our memories) will vanish into thin air.
There I go contradicting myself. Seems like my "paradox drunken theory" also happens when I am sober. I wonder if you have ever noticed that about me, maybe you figured me out by accident. But then again, you knew everything about me.
I really hope I also knew everything about you. That when we used to hang out you wouldn't hide away from me. I am a judgemental person, but how would I ever judge you?
Fuck, I hate cancer.
If it weren't for that you would probably still be here, and I would probably not be going crazy out of my mind.
YOU ARE READING
30 Days Without Him
ChickLit▪30 Days Without Him▪ He loved her. She loves him. Join her journey on figuring out who she is without him and how one boy helped her do it. All rights reserved. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
