30 Days Without Him

Day 27

Today is officially Christmas Day.

My promise to your sister about me opening the box today was refusing to leave my mind.

Everything I did today was not left alone by my thoughts.

I was really curious. What the hell is in that box?

By the end of the day, it had gotten to the point that I couldn't take it any longer. I had decided to open it.

The contents of the box got me laughing and crying all at the same time.

The first thing I saw that was inside the box was a packet of condoms. I mean... seriously?

After removing the packet, I saw that there was a letter, a gift, and a rose. Actually, it was a dead rose.

Me being the materialistic bitch that I am, went straight to the gift. It might not even had been for me, but I am also curious and you know that better than anyone.

But as soon as I saw what was in the gift I burst into tears. It was a charm bracelet with nine charms. And each charm represented something we did together in those nine months.

1- An ice cream, since when we met I had an ice cream in my hands.
2- A fish, since you forced me out for Japanese food.
3- A camera, since I forced you to the park so we could spend the whole day taking pictures.
4- The Eiffel Tower, since we went to a travel agency and pretended we were looking for a honeymoon destination.
5- A heart, which is when we told each other we loved each other.
6- A bed, since it was when we slept together.
7- A moon, from when we went stargazing and the moon was breathtaking.
8- A cross, which is from when I spent almost three weeks with you in hospital.
9- A ring. I had no idea what that ring represented.

I spent a really long time trying to figure it out. We had never done anything ring-related. After I had given up on searching I decided to read the letter. When I removed the letter from the envelope, a ring fell with it. For the first time, I decided not to be materialistic first.

My love, if you are reading this it is because I never got the chance to tell you this myself. Either the cancer caught up to me, or we broke up. I assume it is the first one, since I would never let you go willingly.
I love you. And I will always love you.
I imagine that you figured out the way the charm bracelet works and unfortunately there are probably only nine charms.
The ring that is with this letter (I'm sure you already saw it) is supposed to be a promise ring. Although, I know that our time was limited, I want you to know that my love is eternal.
Even though I was only a small part of your life, you were with me until my end. Just because our love was the last one for me, it doesn't mean that it needs to be the last one for you also. In fact, I want you to move on, like we already discussed. I want there to be somebody else in which you can rely on. I want there to be somebody else that can appreciate what an imperfect girl you are, and how your imperfection is what makes you perfect. I want somebody to love and cherish you just like I did.

How dare you do that? I am a crying mess right now! How can you say and do all of these beautiful things? Everything is just so perfect. You were so perfect.

And when I move on, IF, I move on, I want you to know that I love you unconditionally. And it'll be that way forever.