Shoulders

Chapter Twelve- Scars

Hey, just to let you guys know, this chapter gets a little harder to read, since Amber's going back to feeling the way she used to. If you wanna skip it, I'm okay with that.

Amber's POV
I was on the bus alone, and after two days, I had just gotten rid of a splitting headache. Mom and dad were worried, but I didn't want them to. I was good at hiding pain, since I had been abused so much, and it hadn't been as long as they thought since I'd cut. I was able to go two or three weeks without doing it, and then I'd cave and do it for about a week, and then stop. Since I was alone, I went to the bathroom, locked the door, and opened the bag in my hand. My hands shook, but I still did it. After a few minutes, I cleaned up, and hid the evidence. I wasn't sure why I couldn't stop, but I was truly trying not to. Then, before I could hide them in my suitcase again, Colton came into the bus, looking for me.

"Hey, Amber, we have twenty-five minutes until-" He saw me standing there with the bag in my hand, and he came over, and tried to take the bag from me.
"No! What are you doing? Stop!" I was nearly in tears now, and he sat down, pulling me down beside him.
"Amber, look at me." I faced him, ready for the lecture, but it didn't come. He gently rolled my jacket sleeves away from my wrist, and revealed the cuts from five minutes ago. He looked back at me with tears in his eyes.

"Why? Amber, you don't need to be doing this." He spoke with such kindness, that I melted. I started crying, and he took the bag from me, still holding my hands.
"I- I can't. I can't stop doing this. I can go a couple weeks without anything, but then I can't stop myself from doing it. Ever since I started, three years ago, I haven't been able to stop." I was crying harder now, and Colton put the bag back into my hand.

"Give it to them." I was confused, and then I realized who he was talking about.
"What? No. I- I can't. They'll just get mad at me. I can't give it to them." He squeezed my hands a little harder.
"No, they won't. They won't get mad at you for this. I know your dad. He'll be sad that you've been doing this, and not asking for help, but he won't be mad. Amber, you don't have to do everything by yourself. You're not in a foster home anymore. You're with people that actually care about you. You're not alone, and you never will be again." Then, he stood, pulling me up with him.
"We have just under fifteen minutes. That's enough time for you to get ready, and give these to your parents. Got it?" I nodded, shaking, and Colton helped me get my in-ears situated. Then, we went in, and I found mom and dad off to the side, talking. We had five minutes, son I handed them the bag, and headed off, wiping away tears. I turned around, and I saw mom also wiping away tears, and dad looked at me, with a pained and sorrowful look on his face. I turned around as they announced us, and didn't think any more about it for the next twenty minutes.

Joel's POV
Amber came up to us, handed us a plastic bag, and as she walked away, I saw she was crying. I opened it, seeing small hand-held blades in there with slight brown stains. I caught my breath as I realized what they were. Amber had still been cutting. I looked up, and she looked like she wanted to disappear, and then she headed onstage. Moriah was crying, so I pulled her into a hug, silently praying for Amber. We had both thought that she was fine, but I guess she's just good at hiding the pain. I didn't understand why she felt she needed to hide her pain from us, but that could be figured out later. After the concert, it was just me, Moriah, and Amber on the bus. Amber was almost in tears when I brought the bag back out. I leaned over, taking her hands.

"Hey, we're not going to yell at you. We're not mad. We just wanna know why you didn't tell us you were still struggling with this." She took a couple of shaky breaths before answering.
"I'm still trying to get used to the fact that I can tell you anything, and I don't have to worry about you breaking my heart the way people used to. I've lived with the fear so long, it's hard to let go of it. I've been able to go about two or three weeks without cutting, but then I do it again." I reached for her wrists, and she tried to pull back, but I caught her hands, and she slowly stopped fighting, and let me see her wrists. Thin, pink lines crisscrossed her wrists, and one wrist was covered by her bracelet. When she saw the pain in my expression, she broke down, and started crying. Moriah went around to her, pulling her into her arms, and letting her cry, and I put my arms around both of them. After a few minutes, she spoke again.

"I'm sorry. Next time, I'll try talking to you instead of doing this more." I smiled, kissing her forehead.
"I think that'll work better than hurting yourself, don't you?" She smiled shakily, but it was a real smile. As I held them close to me, I knew nothing would ever take them from me.

*time skip*

Amber's POV
It had been ten days, and somehow, mom, dad, Luke, Courtney, and I had made it to Katelyn's funeral. Conor had asked me to do a song, so I did My Beloved. Conor had come to me afterwards, and he told me he loved the song. Now, I was beside her grave by myself, and mom and dad were talking with Conor and Ms. O'Neill. Suddenly, I saw a young woman wearing a white dress with a red sash. She walked up to me, and I recognized her. Katelyn. I stumbled back, shocked.

"Wha- how? I thought- but you-" she laughed, a joyful sound that I'd never heard before.
"Died? Yes, I did. I'm sorry, but your biological dad was the one who hit me. He died too, sadly. I was allowed to come back one time, and say goodbye." I didn't realize I was crying, until she wrapped her arms around me, using her sash to wipe my cheeks.
"Hey, it's okay. You were right, I do love My Beloved. And it's accurate. I did see a beautiful light, right as it was happening." I sniffed, pulling away.
"Why do things like this have to happen? Why do the people we love the most have to die right when we need them the most?" She laughed again, taking my hands.
"Amber, you didn't need me. You don't need me anymore. You have two wonderful parents, and you have other family around you. When we first met, we needed each other, but now, you've admitted your biggest struggle to your parents, taken on singing with Britt Nicole and Colton Dixon, and you kissed my brother. You don't need me." I started crying.
"Yes, I do! You're the reason I didn't kill myself when people stopped fostering me! You can't go!" She laughed gently.
"And now, you have a family. And now, I have to say goodbye." I grabbed her hand.
"No! Don't say goodbye. I think that goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting. I don't want to forget." She laughed again.
"Well, since we're quoting Peter Pan, I want to tell you something. You know that place between asleep and awake? That place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you. That's where I will be waiting. In your dreams. We can have all those adventures we can't have together now that I'm dead. I can be there for your graduation, I can be there for your wedding, I can be there when your first child is born, I can be there for everything. Just dream it, and in your mind, it can happen. You won't forget me. I'll be the light. I love you, Amber." I smiled.
"I love you too, Katie." She smiled at our nickname for her. Then, she faded from view. I smiled.
"Thank you. You were the light." Then, I walked over to my parents. Yes, I had scars, but so did Jesus. And those scars reminded me who I used to be, and who I won't be any more. And, those scars can remind me who I am.

Author's note- Hello, cravers! Just to let you know, Katelyn's outfit comes from @messenger_craver's book, Saved for Life. Also, the I'll be the Light comes from @Genna_Binner's book, I'll be the Light. Thanks for both those books! Anyhoo, I'll try to get the next chapter up by Saturday...Warning, plot twist incoming! Love you guys!!