Dearest Jayden,

My One And Only Nerd

December 10th, 2015

Dearest Jayden,

You are my nerd. My one and only nerd. The only nerd that I've ever met that was nerdier than me. 

I'm your dork. Your one and only dork. The weirdest dork you'll ever meet. Im yours and you are mine. I hope that never changes.

I'm a dork because I'm writing letters to you on my wattpad! Im a dork because I made you a video, of me singing to you, when I can't sing at all. I just love you so much. 

Jayden you aren't answering me and its scaring me lovey.. Have I done something wrong? Are you mad at me? Please talk to me... I'm on the verge of a panic attack..

Someone sent me a text saying you are dead.. And It's really scaring me... Please please be okay I dont wanna ever lose you.. Please if you're okay talk to me. If youre dead I'll die.. Please Jayden please I need you lovey... If youre dead I wont be able to handle it... I will give up. I'll stop doing everything and just die. Please Jaydeeeeennnn pleaaaaasseeee talk to me... I wasn't here to talk this morning because I had a doctors appointment. But Jayden please talk to me. I need you lovey, I need you. I know I've said that a million times but I really do need you. I know I sound clingy af but I promise I'm not, I just need you.

I had a panic attack last night because of that text. I couldnt calm down. I thought about just taking my own life because being without you would be torture. It was an odd number idk it my family has my phone but I'll see who it was tonight.. I'm really worried about you lovey.. Please be okay... It would kill me if something happened to you. It would kill me if we could no longer talk. I'm slowly dying without you.. All I wanna do is know youre okay. Im freaking out Jayden.. I'm going crazy.. Please answer me Jay... Please I need you.. I want to know you're okay. No I dont just want too... I NEED to know you're okay... I'm driving myself mad Jay.. Im gonna be crazy. I'm gonna be that person who can't even wait to get old to get crazy. I'm just gonna be crazy while I'm 15. I really miss you Jayden... Please talk to me.. Please dont be dead..

I know you're going through a rough time Jay.. But I got your back. I'm here for you. I know that probably means nothing to you, but it means something to me. You're the first person I've cared this much about in ages.. I've never been that person who anyones cares about. But you care about me. I know you do... I'm crying god I'm so dumb.. Maybe I should just give up. Maybe things would be better if I were gone... Maybe I should just end it all.. Maybe then you wouldnt have to worry about me.. Maybe then your life would be a ton less stressful.. Maybe if I just disappear you wouldnt be in trouble anymore.. Maybe I should just... give up... I mean I got you in trouble with your mom and youre not talking to me... I mean maybe... just if I stay gone for long enough you'd forget I ever even existed.. One day, you wont remember a thing about me... Maybe I should just do it. You'd eventually replace me.. Everyone would.. Maybe it'd be for the best if I just... If I just did it. If I'd just forget everything and die.. Just go away forever.. Sleep forever.. However you wanna phrase it. Idk.. 

I kinda give up.. I just wanna know you're safe.. You're okay... My one and only nerd.. I love you so much please be okay Jayden... Please be okay Jay.. Please..