Dearest Jayden,

Am I Really That Shitty?

December 16, 2015

Dearest Jayden,

Im gonna feel really bad about this later but I need to say it...

In The Grand Words Of Mayday Parade;

  I need some time just deliver the things that I need for now
Everything that I feel's like a warm deep calm casting over me
And it's taking me to somewhere new

If you believe that everything's alright
You won't be all alone tonight
And I'd be blessed by the light of your company,
Slowly lifting me to somewhere new

Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well
Since the last time that we spoke, you said
"Please understand if I see you again don't even say hello."

Please

What a night it is, when you live like this
And you're coming up beneath the clouds,
Don't let me down
All the love's still there I just don't know what to do with it now
You know, I still can't believe we both did some things
I don't even wanna think about
Just say you love me and I'll say "I'm sorry,
I don't want anybody else to feel this way"
No, no, no

Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well
Since the last time that we spoke, I said
"Please understand I've been drinking again, and all I do is hope"

Please... stay
Please stay

 I'll admit I was wrong about everything
Cause I'm high and I don't wanna come down
All the fun that we had on your mothers couch,
I don't even wanna think about

I'm not strong enough for the both of us
What was I supposed to do
You know I love you
Whoa-oh

Please just stay

Stay  

And One Day, I show my kids this song. Because Its a representation of how I feel.

  By the time I was your age, I'd give anything
To fall in love truly, was all I could think
That's when I met your mother, the girl of my dreams
The most beautiful woman, that I'd ever seen

She said, "Boy can I tell you a wonderful thing?
I can't help but notice, you're staring at me.
I know I shouldn't say this, but I really believe,
I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me."

Now, son, I'm only telling you this
Because life can do terrible things.

Now, most of the time we'd have too much to drink
And we'd laugh at the stars and we'd share everything
Too young to notice, and too dumb to care
Love was a story that couldn't compare.

I said, "Girl, can I tell you a wonderful thing?
I made you a present with paper and string.
Open with care now, I'm asking you, please.
You know that I love you, will you marry me?"

Now, son, I'm only telling you this
Because life can do terrible things
You'll learn, one day, I'll hope and I'll pray,
That God shows you differently.

  She said, "Boy can I tell you a terrible thing?
It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks.
Please, don't be sad now, I really believe,
You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me."

Slow, so slow I fell to the ground on my knees.

So don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose
If you're given the choice, then I beg you to choose
To walk away, walk away, don't let her get you.
I can't bear to see the same happen to you.

Now, son, I'm only telling you this
Because life can do terrible things  

And ya know Jay, Heres a song I want you to understand. Its how I feel every day. But you never saw that because you were too busy counting my flaws.

So In the great words of Kellin Quinn Of Sleeping With Sirens;

  She says she wants to end it all when she's all alone in her room
She cries
The way she feels inside is too much for her
When all you got is these four walls
It's not that hard to feel so small
Or even exist at all
How come no one heard her when she said

Maybe I'm better off dead
If I was would it finally be enough
To shut out all those voices in my head?
Maybe I'm better off dead
Better off dead!
Did you hear a word
Hear a word I said?
This is not where I belong
You gonna miss me when I'm gone
Gone, gone
This is not where I belong
You gonna miss me when I'm gone

She doesn't know she's beautiful
'Cause no one's ever told her so
And the demons that she hides are all she knows
And maybe she can fall in love with someone in her life that she could trust
And tell her she's enough (Will someone tell her she's enough?)
How come no one heard her when she said