Dearest Jayden,

I Would've Shut Up Sooner

December 14, 2015

Dearest Jayden,

I'm really sorry.. I didnt think that you like... Wow I'm really sorry.. If I would've known I wouldve shut up a lot sooner. I'm really sorry Jay... I didn't mean to upset you and I didnt mean to make you sick. If I would've known I would've stopped Jay..

And on another note, you leaving, wasn't the only reason I freaked out. I was freaking out because I got a text saying you'd killed yourself and then you disappeared. I didnt fucking know you'd been grounded until I talked to your mom. But anyways I have some questions now..

1. Does this mean that I can't say I love you anymore?

2. So now we aren't ever gonna talk?

Anyways its okay that we can't talk anymore because as of December 18th I'm being admitted into a residential hospital where I will be kept for who knows how long.. Anyways I'm super duper sorry I really didn't know.. If there was a way I could turn back time, and remove doing all those things I would.. I'd just stop and tell myself to shut the fuck up.. I'm really really sorry Jay I didn't know.. In fact if you want, I'll stop writing to you. 

Okay one more question. Does this mean that you don't mean what you said before? That you were just saying things to make me feel good? That you were just trying to make me happy, rather than help yourself? Does this mean that you don't mean what you said..?