Everyday Of Emptiness

Sin

Everyday of Emptiness:
             SIN

World is so cruel. I'm a sin. Not just a typical sin. A bullshit one.

I'm the daughter of Alejandro Gonzales. I don't have a mom. I mean she's not living with me because she's living together with his husband. Yeah, that's why I'm  a sin.

Hell? Yeah it is.

If I just have a mom right now, I know she will take care of me. I'm longing for her.

What does it feel when your mom is  taking care of you when you're sick? What does it feel when someone bullied you and she's always right there beside to protect you? Damn! I don't know.

My father had an affair with my mom where she had a husband. Something happens between them so that's why I'm calling myself a sin. Its against the law and God's law. You must not have an affair with someone who is married, plus, you did something and there is a child who's affected with everything you've done.

They are still in touch to each other. Not because of me, but also for them.
And that's the thing. Until now, my mom turn back to his husband.

Here's the thrill, her husband knows all of it. Like seriously, love is blind, indeed. He already knows that her wife had an affair with another man and now he didn't do anything. Maybe, she truly loves her wife that he's afraid to lose her and they also had 2 children. A twin. Boy and girl.

Her kids knows me. And I don't think seeing them is a good idea. They are 7 years ahead of me. They both have a job and kids.

If I will bump to them, I don't know what to do. I'm the product of a sin. Maybe, they will punch me on the face, accuse me or kill me.

----

I have a friend and I tell him about what happened with my life and about being a sin.

After I told him, he just feel sorry for me and said something that melts my heart and hits me real hard

He said: 

You're not a sin, Amanda. You're a God's gift. Every child is a God's gift and stop naming yourself a sin. Its not your fault. You're a beautiful gift.

He left and I cry.