Everyday Of Emptiness

Almost Disappear

Everyday Of Emptiness:
  ALMOST DISAPPEAR

Can you see me over here? Or should I just disappear?

Disappear. That's what I want to do right now. Disappear for a little while. Nah. Not just for a while. But to disappear and go away completely.

Just get a rope and hang it on your neck or go get a cutter and cut your pulse.

It's easy to die, right?

I already think about this. I acted so weird at school because my mind was deliberating if it will be the good thing to do. I think I'm going crazy and I'm so afraid. I'm not excited about doing it. But to tell you honestly, I am so scared, very scared.

I'm in my room, in the place  where I can feel that I'm secured. Yeah, secured. And I think this will be the place where I want to do IT.
You know what will happen if there's someone thinks about dying. I'm tired. You can't blame me. For all the pain and the suffering I've been through, it's hard. I cried a lot and I just want to stop it. Can you stop the pain?

I think it  is the right time to do it.

I slowly get the sharp knife at the side of my bed. My hands are trembling and my tears still flowing like there's no tomorrow. I close my eyes tightly, prepared myself and slowly cut my wrist. I can feel the pain, right now but compared to the pain I am feeling inside, this is just nothing. I can feel the bloods dripping. I let out a long breathe and -----

"Amanda, please."

I heard his voice.

Before I could finish myself he slowly get the knife and gingerly put it on the side. It was bolt from the blue. I am just waiting for my death and suddenly he appeared.

"Amanda, hush now, baby."  While brushing my hair. I'm crying like a baby in his arms.

A long silence.

He cupped my face and wipe the tears with his thumb.

"Don't do it again, please, I'm begging you. It'll be the death of me too if you'll do that again."

"Do you know how worried, I am?"

"I don't know. I'm tired. Can you stop the pain? Please this pain, I can't near it anymore." I responded.

"You were acting so weird at school. And you always think deep. I know it was so painful. Shhh. I will take that pain, okay? But always remember  that I am always here for you and will always will." I absently nodded.

"I won't leave you. You're father is on the kitchen and his worried about you too."

"C-can I ask you a favor, please." I pleaded.

"Sure. What is it?"

"Please don't tell him about my stupid act, please."

"I won't tell him if you promise me that you will never ever gonna do it again. Do you keep promises, Amanda?"

"Promises are meant to be broken." I replied 

"Okay. I will just go down to the kitchen."

"W-wait." He stopped

"Yes?"

"Iwillpromise."

"Pardon, Miss A?"

"I will promise not to do it again." While raising my right hand.

"Okay. Now, get your ass right there cause I have something for you and please wipe your face because you look so ugly." He said, laughing at the last part.

"Pshh. Look who's talking, Mister?" I laughed.

"That's it. I'm going down now and it's nice to hear you laughed, though. Keep it up, girl."

Before he leaves he planted a kiss on my forehead which I find it so sweet.

From this day forward, I promise not to do my stupid act again. I will not be selfish, for I only think about my feelings and didn't think about the people around me.

I almost lost the people I love and almost disappear.