A little too broken (boyxboy)

Chapter 21

Chap 21

Andrew could barley look his mother in the eye.

"Why?"

"Because of the voices, and dad, and the anxiety and..."

"And what Andrew?"

"The bullying."

"Why didn't you tell me." He looked down in shame. He knew he should've told her. He just didn't want her to worry.

"I didn't want you to worry." He said feeling stupid for having things get this far.

She walked over to his bed and held his hand as he began to cry into her shoulder. She cried silently next to him.

Oliver was in the waiting room with his father and Hilda. He was angry with himself for not seeing. That things had gotten so bad. He knew that Andrew didn't let a lot out about his problems, but he felt like he should've at least noticed that something was wrong. That things were leading to this.

Hilda wrapped her arms around him as she saw his distress. And he began to sob again. He tried to calm down but he was crying so hard he couldn't breathe.

Miss McEuan came out of his hospital room and told Oliver about all the things that Andrew told her.

"You can see him now." The nurse told Oliver.

As Andrew sat alone he dreaded what Oliver's reaction would be. What if he was just indifferent. That would destroy him. Or what if he was devastated. That would destroy him even more. He was the last person he wanted to disappoint.

He had felt suicidal for a long time but never had the courage to take his own life. Or at least he thought it was courage. But really it's desperation, anger, emptiness, depression and pain. It's a lonely place to be. You feel like you drowning and no one is there to save you. It's awful, not courageous. It's when you reach the point where being dead would be better than what ever your experiencing.

As Oliver walked in he saw a pale body with various new scars on his arms that he didn't know about.

"Why?"

"It was just too much. The fear every time I thought of my dad was over whelming. My anxiety was getting worse. The bullying had also gotten worse. The voices would stop. I didn't know what to do. It was all so hard to deal with. I thought it'd be better to be dead then deal with it all. I'm sorry." Andrew began to cry as it all began to feel like too much again.

"I love you. I love you so much and when I heard that you had attempted suicide I couldn't handle it. I lost it and threw things, broke things, screamed. I was so scared that you'd actually die." Oliver started to cry.

"And the fact that I didn't notice made it all worse. I should've seen it happening. I should've noticed but I didn't. I just - I lovef you." He sat in Andrews bed and began to sob violently.

That's when fhe realized that suicide isn't pretty tumblr pictures and quotes. Funerals aren't beautiful. If just the fact that he attempted to take his life caused the people he loved this much grief, then maybe it wasn't worth it.

He still felt suicidal but in this moment Oliver matter more to him than any of what caused him to want to kill himself in the first place.

Hearing him say I love you was bitter sweet. It's what he wanted to hear from Oliver for the longest time. But he saying it to him after he attempted to kill himself. Oliver tries and fails to resist the thoughts telling him it's a last resort to get him to not try again.

"I love you too. I love you so much. And I'm sorry that I hurt you. I promise from now on I'll try to get better. I'll try to be open. And I've earned to hear you say I love you for so long. You don't understand how much that means to me."

"I love you. So much and please don't apologize. I will do everything I can to make sure your okay. Just don't apologize at all."

Oliver then lied down next to Andrew and Andrew tucked his head onto his shoulder. Oliver wrapped his arms around his waist and they stayed like that for several minutes. Andrew then turned his head and gave him a kiss on the cheek. That's when the door opened. When Oliver turned to see who it was, his heart stopped. His father.