all i want :: s.m

13: confessions

sunday ¬ february 14, 2016

The stem of the flower twirled between her thumb and index finger, its thorns pricked out by request, and its petals red and glowing. Though it was a regular, single rose, purchasing the flower wasn't too easy due to the fact that it was Valentine's Day. But Ella managed—she had to manage.

She was doing this for him.

Ella paced around the front porch of Shawn's house, playing with the rose stem as she did so, out of nervousness. She came to speak to Shawn, just to clear things up with him. She didn't want any more tension between them, especially since they still had a couple more months of school together.

Nervously but ready, Ella rung the doorbell and waited. She waited for a minute before Shawn finally opened the door, looking tired and peeved. He wore sweatpants and a wrinkled t-shirt and a careless expression on his face, not expecting someone important to be at the door.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" Ella sheepishly grinned and held the rose up for Shawn to take, but he didn't do what she wanted him to; instead, he slammed the door on her face, leaving her alone on his porch. Ella frowned and began to knock on his door, bellowing, "Shawn! Please, let me in. I have to talk to you. You can't ignore me forever, you know."

The door opened again. "Actually, I can. You're just making it too damn difficult." He retorted grumpily, about to shut the door again, but she stopped him with a plea. He groaned, "What do you want, Ella?"

"I want to talk to you."

"About?"

"Us."

"There is no us anymore, Ella. You ruined that."

She paused a little, and then continued, "I know that, Shawn...and that's why I'm here. I want to at least resolve the little conflict between us, and maybe we can become friends?"

Friends.

Shawn nearly flinched, thinking: Friends—did she really want to be friends with me? No...did she really think I would agree to be "friends" with her?

"We're never going to be friends, Ella," he told her firmly, "That is not even an option between us. But I don't want to talk, I want to listen—listen to you explain why the fuck you left me without a face-to-face goodbye."

Ella swallowed the feeling in her throat and nodded tentatively, trudging into Shawn's house while he watched her with a glare. "So," she began, looking around, noticing how nothing has really changed. "Where do you want to-"

"Here is fine." He wasn't going to bring her up to his room; he felt as if something were to happen if he did. "My parents are at work and Aaliyah visited her friend's house." 

"Oh. Okay then...here." Ella innocently smiled at him, holding up the flower once again. Shawn eyed the item up and down and took it from her hands slowly. "Get it? It's a rose, and my last name...is Rose." Her smile faded when Shawn sent her a grim look, saying with his eyes: 'Get to the damn point, or get the hell out.'

"Start talking. Now."

"Okay, fine," she breathed out while looking down at her feet, suddenly regretting ever visiting Shawn's house in the first place. "So, um, first of all..." she trailed off, sighing sadly and looking straight into Shawn's eyes. "You have to understand that I did love you and care about you, and that I'm sorry."

He gave her an annoyed stare. "Oh my Go-"

"I'm serious, Shawn! I know it may not seem like it at the time, but I did. I really, really did. There's no other way to express how sorry I am for leaving you like that." Shawn rolled his eyes but didn't reply, though Ella pleaded with her eyes for him to say that it was okay. It never came, and so Ella proceeded, "But yeah...I hope you believe me. Thanks for listening."

She turned to leave but Shawn grabbed her upper arm, turning her back around. At first a burst of hope exploded in Ella's gut, but the look Shawn was sending towards her made her want to cower away. "That's it?" He snarled, "I give you the opportunity to come inside my home for you to explain yourself, and another pathetic lie is what you give me?"

"It wasn't-"

"Tell me, Ella! Tell me why you left me! Jesus Christ, why the hell is it so hard for you to tell me the truth? Why did you leave me all of a sudden? Why did you sell your house, why did you move away?"

"I didn't!" 

The two were engulfed in silence, Ella's eyes wide when she realized that she had blurted out a piece of the truth. "You didn't?" Shawn repeated, tone stern and hard. "What do you mean, 'you didn't'?" 

Ella swallowed saliva, ready to speak. "I didn't actually move away, Shawn—at least not out of the country. I just left the school and my family decided to move houses. I was here the whole time, just different schools and different houses." 

Shawn clenched his jaw. "So you lied to me? Again?" Her silence confirmed it, and as his words struck her, she felt guilty—but she had a good reason. "Why the fu- Ella, why the hell did you lie to me? You just...you...ugh! Do you know how much it even hurt, thinking that you were actually gone?"

"Shawn, I said I'm sorry!" 

"Do not...just don't. Stop saying that." He paced back and forth, shaking his head. "How come I didn't see any FOR SALE sign whenever I came over?" 

"I..." Ella paused, wincing when she looked into Shawn's fury eyes, knowing that she would get even more hate from Shawn with the information she was going to confess next. "The FOR SALE sign wasn't there too long, and when it was, I took down the sign and hid it whenever you came back." 

And the hatred stare she was expecting was sent. "And for what reason, Ella? Why didn't you just tell me that you were moving houses and schools? I would have been sad, yes, but not as sad as I was after I read that damn letter! And we wouldn't have broken up, either! You'd still be mine, and I'd still be yours!" 

Ella shook her head. "I'm not going to tell you, Shawn. I can't tell you," she whispered, backing away and opening his front door. "Thank you for your time." 

"Ella, don't walk away from me. Tell me the truth! I want to know the truth!" He gritted his teeth. 

"Do you like getting your heart broken?" Suddenly Ella asked, out of the blue. 

"No." 

"Then you wouldn't want me to tell you." 

-