Intimacy

[13.] Fly Before You Fall

<Mount Airy, Philadelphia, November 30th; 04:56:15 A.M>

Samantha's House

"And you refuse to admit you still miss him but it's okay
You're a tower of strength when you're breaking down
But through the wall I can feel your cry
And when it's quiet you're screaming inside
And I break as I hear you
Loud as a bomb
Wanting a shoulder to cry on
I hear you
Tumbling fast
Here and now, you're afraid
Don't you worry
I'll teach you to fly before you fall away"--Cynthia Erivo

I was having a hard time sleeping and it's been 7 days without me speaking to Nicholas. We've been in the same house for 7 days and haven't spoke to each other yet. All we did was stare and have time with the kids on our own time. I still can't believe that they shot Lamar. . Yes Lamar deserved it and I know. Sebastian never threw him in the river like they was suppose to, instead they took him to the police where he belongs. Lamar is still alive and is serving 5 years in jail. I should be happy right, but I'm not. I'm actually scared. Jail doesn't mean anything, 9 times out of 10, people can easily escape prison. So if he escapes, then what? I just don't feel comfortable, I don't feel safe, Lamar is crazy and have no problem killing me. I then heard Nicholas on the phone. For 7 days straight, I've been petty towards him. But I think today is the right time that I speak to him and hear his side of the story. On me, I had on my black sports bra and my PINK pajama pants. Just to make it a little appropriate, I threw on my black and purple robe and walked downstairs.

"What's the move for today ?" Nicholas asked one of his manz, Iman.

"Casino? Or the bar and have a couple of drinks. Don't matter, whatever you want to do." Iman said.

"Casino sounds like the spot. Niggas about to win some money out here !" Nicholas laughed, loudly.

That's when he noticed that I was standing on the step the whole time.

"Oh sh*t, bro I'll call you right back." Nicholas told Iman.

"Ard." Iman said, hanging up.

"I could've waited." I told him.

"Nah, it's cool.. But what's up?" Nicholas asked me.

"I know it's been a week without us saying anything to each other." I said.

"Yeah.." Nicholas said, sarcastically.

"And I thought about it a lot. I think it's finally  time for me to listen to you, and actually talk to. So I'm here, finally listening." I told him, sitting on the step.

"I mean I don't know what else to say.. I don't know how many times I gotta say "sorry" because I said it more than 100 times. Simone, I've been told you that I'm sorry and that I didn't mean to hurt you. It wasn't suppose to go like that. Yes, I ruined our big wedding we planned for years. I ruined everything I know it. I ruined my chances with you. But I miss you Simone.. I love you and the kids too much. And for us to just walk past each other for a whole week without saying anything hurts and I know I f**ked up. I just wish I could take it all back." He said.

"But why ? What was going through your head when you left me ?" I asked him.

"Angie was having family problems at the time. Got raped, and I was the only one who was there for her, she needed me. When I went to make sure that everything was ok... It turned into something else and it wasn't suppose to.. Again, I'm sorry... Just forgive me for the stupid mistakes that I have made. Please Simone, I need you. And I want you back." Nicholas begged, kissing my hands repeatedly.

"Now how do I know that you won't do this again?" I asked him, looking down at him.

"Because I would be dumb enough to try and lose you again. I'm afraid to lose the woman that I love and cherish." He told me, as he stood up.

Looking at Nicholas made me realize how much I really loved him. How much I cared about him. Wanted what was best for him. When he use to play basketball and sing. . I use to support him in every way. I mean should I give him another chance?