The Year of Redemption

Chapter 8: Carry On Wayward Son

Dean was only a couple hours from the cabin. Once he made it there, he checked his phone and found four missed calls from Lisa. "Dammit," he cursed under his breath. He dialed her back.

"Hey," she answered, sounding relieved.

"Hey," Dean replied.

"What happened to you? I've been worried sick." Her voice almost cracked, and Dean could tell she'd been crying. He leaned his head up against his bedroom's doorframe.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Something came up, I had to go."

"Ok," she said simply. There was a long pause. "Will you... be back?" Lisa sniffled, and Dean could picture her face tearing up again. He wished he was there to comfort her, but he had business to take care of first.

"Yeah," he assured, "I'll be back in a few days. I just have to take care of something."

Lisa sniffled again, and Dean could hear Ben in the background asking about him. "I'm so sorry," he said again. "I should've called earlier."

"Hey, it's ok," Lisa replied. "Just take care of yourself. We'll see you in a few days."

"Ok," said Dean softly. Lisa hung up before Dean could hear any more of her tears.

Dean collapsed onto the bed and tried to sleep, but his mind kept conjuring up memories of all the people he'd hurt in his life, especially in the last few years. The list was long, and no matter how exhausted his body was, his mind kept finding more people to keep him up and thinking about. It was a mystery why anyone still wanted him around. He had no idea why people like Lisa, Cas, and Bobby still gave a damn, when it would be so easy for them to just run away and leave him in the dust. But he knew that they were the reason he kept going, day after day; somehow, their faith kept him hanging on. He couldn't stand to disappoint them, so he carried on in spite of it all, hoping, someday, he could find peace – for them, and for himself.

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The next day, Dean drove in to Grand Rapids. He was intent on hunting down the goddess of fidelity and slitting her throat. Or whatever you do to kill goddesses. He picked up a newspaper outside a coffee shop and flipped through it. There had been no further suicides in town in the last few days. Dean assumed that the goddess had been focusing all of her energy on him and didn't have time to mess with the fidelity of other people.

Dean entered the coffee shop and set down Sammy's laptop on one of the tables. He opened it up and connected to the Internet, then searched the national news for any further suicides. There were many, but none were unusually concentrated in one town. Of course, it had only been one day since he had gotten the goddess off his own tail, so perhaps she hadn't established herself somewhere else yet.

He returned to town every day that week to check the news, but discovered nothing. After several days and another call from Lisa asking if he was still ok, Dean decided to leave the hunt behind for the time being. The goddess was probably preoccupied, or she had been called back to her realm. Either way, Dean swore he would find her when she reasserted herself on Earth. But for now, he couldn't hurt Lisa and Ben any longer. He had made a promise, and he was tired of not keeping his promises.

Dean made up his mind. He threw his duffel in the backseat and climbed into the Impala. Suddenly he had a pounding headache. He rested his head on the steering wheel and saw flashes of Lisa and Ben in his mind. Just their faces, happy and smiling. When the headache subsided, he lifted his head and started the car. He had to get to them. He pointed the Impala towards Michigan and took off.

A couple hours down the road, Dean felt another migraine coming on. He pulled off to the shoulder and leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes as his head began throbbing relentlessly. Images again danced before his eyes: him and Lisa making breakfast in the kitchen, him playing soccer with Ben in the yard, him and Lisa lying in bed reading magazines, him watching one of Ben's soccer games, the three of them taking a trip to the carnival and laughing. The headache hurt, but the images were pleasant. Dean didn't know why he was seeing these things, but he figured it was a combination of his lack of sleep and his own mind's hopeful dreams for the future. He could imagine their small family living a normal life in a neighborhood, with normal jobs and normal family trips and love and laughter. Somewhere, he must have some sort of hope that this was how it might turn out for them.

Dean rubbed his head, and the pain faded, along with the images. He sped back onto the road, stopping infrequently for bathroom breaks and once to get a cheeseburger. Just before he left Wisconsin, his head began pounding again. "Ugh, not now," he complained, shaking his head and continuing down the road. But the pounding grew more intense, and Dean struggled to keep his eyes open. He braked hard and only managed to pull halfway off of the road when another flash of images struck him.

These images were dark and ominous. They showed Ben complaining about moving houses again. They showed Dean yelling at Ben for finding a gun in the Impala. They showed Dean baring vampire teeth in front of Lisa and then shoving Ben into the wall. They showed Lisa crumpled on the floor with Ben in her lap, protecting him - from Dean. They showed Lisa calling Dean with tears in her eyes and telling him he couldn't ever come back.

A blaring horn and headlights startled Dean back to reality. He trembled, with tears blurring his vision, but he swerved back onto the road and continued driving until he came to the next town and spotted a motel. It was dark now, and he could feel the exhaustion creeping in on him. Maybe after some sleep, his mind would clear a bit. He checked into the motel and crashed on a bed. He was unconscious until morning; he didn't even have any nightmares during the night. In fact, he had no dreams whatsoever.

As soon as he woke up, he hit the road again. He debated calling Lisa, but decided it was too early. He was only about 3 hours away at this point anyways. He was still plagued by the images that had appeared in his head yesterday. He didn't know where they came from, but assumed it was just a nightmare that had inconveniently sprung up during the day. He hoped it wouldn't become a normal thing.

Dean pulled up in front of Lisa's house in Battle Creek and walked up to the door. He raised his hand to knock, when a force suddenly made him stumble backwards. Dean grabbed his head and bent over. He put his hands on his knees as a series of images flooded his mind. Somehow, he knew he was looking at the future. His head pounded harder than before, and he felt like his skull was going to explode at any minute.

The images that appeared were even worse this time: men kidnapping Lisa and a demon finding Ben on the ground outside his window. Lisa and Ben tied up in a warehouse, surrounded by monsters. Lisa's eyes changing to black as she was possessed by a demon. Lisa admitting that she wished she had never met Dean, then threatening Ben and holding a knife up to his throat. Lisa plunging a knife through her own stomach and bleeding out in Dean's arms. Ben trembling as he shot monsters while Dean carried his dying mother. Dean sitting beside Ben while they looked down at Lisa's body in a hospital bed.

Dean was still bent over when the images disappeared, but he felt his knees going weak. He retreated to the Impala, tears dripping down his face and blurring his vision as he staggered towards the car and clambered into the front seat. He rested his head heavily against the headrest and tried to wipe his eyes, but the tears kept squeezing their way out, as if he had no control over his emotions. He gasped for air and sat there with tears streaming down his face and the images playing over and over in his mind.

Dean recognized the images that he had been having as visions, though he had no idea where they had come from or why he was having them. All he knew was that, somehow, he seemed to be putting Lisa and Ben in danger. He had to stop the visions from coming true. He had to get away from Lisa and Ben and stay away.