The Year of Redemption

Chapter 55: Kamikaze Love

Dean cleaned the house – all his empty bottles, all the dirty clothes that had just ended up on the floor of the bedroom, the broken clock.

He felt as though he had a new energy in him. He still worried – about Cas, about them, about their lives – but it was somehow different now.

He could still feel Cas, even though the angel was another world away. He knew Castiel would return to him, he knew the angel would come back as soon as he could. And he knew Cas had a reason for coming back, that he actually genuinely wanted to. It was something Dean wasn't at all used to.

Dean wasn't sure what he was going to do when Cas did come back... what he was going to say... But he didn't mind not knowing. He just wanted to show the angel in any way possible how much he meant to Dean – how much Dean wanted him, how much he needed him. Just the thought made him smile – to be close, touching, holding each other. There was nothing Dean wanted more. He would wait forever if that's what it took.

And he knew how cheesy, how hopelessly romantic and naive that sounded. But the weird thing was just that: Dean wasn't scared anymore, not about the chic flick feel or naivety of all this – at least, not nearly as much.

Dean was no longer scared of his feelings, of expressing them to Cas, of showing them to him. He wanted Castiel to know, he yearned for the angel's gentle approval, his reassurance. Because this was new to Dean too – this feeling so much, for someone as unlikely, as remarkably unique and spectacular as Cas. But the angel made it all seem ok, he made it comfortable and safe, and Dean felt like there was finally someone that he could be himself – his true self, complete with all his regrets and dreams and emotions – around.

All of this was still floating about in Dean's mind when Castiel did come back – so much so that Dean couldn't pick out a single thought or emotion to express to the angel at the moment of his return.

Cas had materialized in the bedroom, right in front of Dean. He had cocked his head to the side and grinned at the hunter. Dean caught sight of him, and everything else in his mind disappeared, washed away by one simple thought: Dean needed Cas. Bad.

The hunter stared at Castiel for a minute, then took one step forward and plunged his hands down the front of the angel's pants. His eyes bore into Cas's as he latched on and stroked the angel vigorously.

Cas's head fell forwards onto Dean's shoulder, and he gasped in surprise. Then he started breathing heavily, finding it difficult to talk, to think even. He was so abruptly submerged into the ecstasy of the experience, the ecstasy of having the hunter around, having Dean touch him, that Castiel found himself rapidly veering off the tracks and into the deep end, lost for words, lost for all rational thought. "Dean," he exhaled, grabbing the hunter's arm, slowing its pace mercifully.

"I want you, Cas," Dean growled in a gruff voice against the angel's ear. "I want you so bad." Castiel thought he would reach his high right then and there on account of the hunter's voice alone.

Cas gripped Dean's arm tighter, trying to relax himself in spite of the hunter's erotically stimulating actions and seductive intents – which were proving to be very successful at the moment. "Don't make me come all at once, Dean," he begged, still gasping.

The hunter's hand stopped as suddenly as it had started, and Castiel's hips impulsively bucked forwards into Dean, straining to recover the sensation. Dean moved his hand up, following Cas's happy trail to his stomach, underneath his shirt, and to his chest. "I'm going to show you what lovers do now," he whispered roughly in the angel's ear, then opened his mouth, surrounding his earlobe in moist warmth.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist and stepped backwards, pulling the angel along with him. Cas kept his head on Dean's shoulder, the side of his face pressed up against Dean's mouth. He had no idea how anything could feel as good as this – being so close to Dean, physically feeling the hunter's desire, understanding it, replicating it himself.