The Year of Redemption

Chapter 26: Demons

Dean saw earlier memories too. He saw Cas being assigned to Earth. It was an order of God, though it was delivered by a messenger. Castiel had never actually seen God, but Dean sensed that his belief was unwavering just the same. At that moment, at least, Castiel the angel was a devout follower of his father; he questioned nothing, he obeyed every order, and he did it with immense pride and loyalty.

Castiel took up his position on Earth enthusiastically. It was the beginning of the planet's days in the universe, and the angel was helping to shape it. He carved out valleys and gorges, filled them with water and built mountains to create the most beautiful waterfalls washing over the rocky walls and into the valleys below. He flattened large plains of grass and blew breezes through it, then raised huge forests of towering trees and trickled rainfall over them.

Castiel admired the new world with modest satisfaction; he was eager for God to populate it with life. He almost envied the humankind who would be given the privilege of living there. Castiel swore that he would love humanity, and he swore that he would always be faithful to his father's every word.

Dean was taken aback by the angel's unwavering devotion. He almost wished Castiel's life could be that simple again. It was refreshing to see the angel happy and fulfilled, to see him so sure of himself and so hopeful about life. Dean found an obsidian piece carved into the crude shape of lungs with the engraving "Purpose" on it.

After this, Dean saw Castiel's first memory. He didn't know how long ago it had been, but even the universe was an infant, in its early stages of existence. Castiel opened his eyes and saw darkness. The black was quickly filled, one by one, with tiny dots of light. With each one that appeared, Castiel felt a power within him growing stronger. With every new shining speck, he sensed that his life had more and more meaning. He felt a connection to the lights that were materializing, he instinctively he knew what they were.

Castiel was witnessing God's creation of the universe. He was watching – along with all of his brothers around him – their father hang the stars in the sky. God was giving life to numerous new worlds, right before their eyes. The angels were all suddenly in the air, soaring over each world, feeling the pounding of their new, strong wings carrying them through the starlit sky.

Dean smiled at the innocent, delighted newborn Cas. Dean was entranced by the spectacle of angels flying through the universe together, discovering for the first time their wings and their purpose, exalted by the joys of each new world and each new hope for life. Dean didn't realize that he was holding an object until he was transported back to the vortex. He looked to his hands and discovered a set of obsidian wings. The wings read simply, "Life."

Another chain of memories showed the angel following sets of orders from his father. It showed him being corrupted by the power and the faith that he had. It showed Cas doing things that Dean knew the angel would regret later. At the moment, though, Castiel had just carried out his orders unquestioningly.

Dean thought about how easy it must have been for Cas back then: he heard an order and he executed it. He didn't stop to think about the ramifications, he didn't consider his own thoughts or instincts even once. He had no values of his own. They were all his father's, and they were all perfect in his eyes. God could do no wrong, so everything the angels did must have been right. This was as far as Castiel's train of thought went.

Dean envied the angel. He was jealous of Castiel's lack of individual thought and emotion, his utter lack of free will. Cas didn't have to decide what was "right" and what was "wrong." He didn't have to worry about his every action having consequences that he couldn't change. He didn't have to figure out which option would be less painful, which would kill less people, which would be the most moral. He got an order and he followed it. All the rest was water under the bridge.