The Year of Redemption

Chapter 45: Kamikaze Love

Dean was tracking what appeared to be a shapeshifter in Fort Valley, Georgia. He had been chasing jobs for several days, trying to keep ahead of other hunters. But his head just didn't seem to be in the game. Each time he got to a city, another hunter had already finished the job, and he would have to move on to the next town.

Dean had just checked into a motel and collapsed on the bed. He could probably count on his fingers the number of hours that he had slept in the last week. It was no longer a conscious choice to sleep – it was his body physically collapsing from its exhaustion. And the dreams kept coming, night after night. When Dean woke up, he often found it hard to distinguish between what was real and what was not. Still, the emptiness in his chest reminded him. This was real – him hunting, exhausted, alone.

Dean played scenarios in his mind, over and over, imagining what he would do if – when – he saw Cas again. Somehow, he knew it was a stupid thing to be so hung up over. After family, the job had always come first. And Cas was neither – not technically at least. Dean had bigger things to worry about, he was sure. But his mind kept focusing on the angel, no matter what he did. He couldn't keep it off of Cas.

Dean tried to picture what he would say to the angel. He wondered if he would have it in him to tell Cas to leave again. He knew he should, he knew that was the right thing to do, the rational thing to do. But every one of the scenarios in his mind somehow ended up with him in Castiel's arms. He doubted he could resist the angel again. He doubted if he really even wanted to. Dean's thoughts ran wild again as his body took him deeper into unconsciousness...

Dean was sitting in a chair in front of a lake, a fishing pole in his hand. He glanced out across the water. It rippled slightly in the breeze, moving his bobber up and down in its wake. There was something else in the water too. Dean glanced slightly to the side and spotted another bobber just skimming the surface. He followed the fishing line all the way to the lakeshore, all the way to the fishing pole and to the hands that were holding it...

Suddenly, a voice came from behind them both. "Dean, we must talk." The hunter glanced behind him and immediately stood up, dropping his fishing pole on the ground and spinning around.

"Cas," Dean exhaled, then looked to his side again, a little bewildered. Castiel followed his gaze and cocked his head, slightly startled and perhaps even more stunned than Dean.

"Dean," he started, pulling his eyes back to the hunter. "I apologize for intruding," he nodded back towards the other figure, who was still sitting in the chair, without a care in the world, "but I had to speak with you."

Dean stared at the angel. He'd never had a dream with two Castiels in it before, but he figured there was a first time for everything. "You know this is just a dream, right?"

"Yes," Cas replied, "so we don't have much time." Dean's eyes dropped closed for a few seconds, and Cas took a step closer to him. "Dean, stay with me," he pleaded, noticing the hunter nodding off. "You're not safe. Go home. As soon as you wake up, you must return to the cabin." Dean's eyes closed again for a moment. When he opened them, the lake faded, followed by the first Cas, then the forest behind them. The last thing he heard was, "Go home, Dean."

Dean sat up straight in bed, breathing hard. He jumped to his feet, then fell back onto the mattress, dizzy. The hunter rubbed his forehead. Home, he thought. I have to go back to the cabin. He wasn't exactly sure why, but something kept repeating itself in his mind: "Go home. Go home, Dean."

So he gathered his stuff and left the motel in Fort Valley. He drove all through the night and through the next day. He drove constantly for 20 hours all the way up to Minnesota, stopping only for gas.