The Year of Redemption

Chapter 48: Angel

"Cas!" Dean rolled over, throwing himself on top of the angel enthusiastically.

Castiel laughed, hugging Dean back. "Good morning, Dean."

"You stayed," the hunter pointed out, breathless from his excitement.

"Of course I stayed," Castiel assured lightheartedly. "I said I would, didn't I?" Dean brought his face up directly over Cas's. The angel saw a flash of trust light up in his eyes.

Piece by piece, little by little, he swore he would earn back Dean's faith in him. The hunter dropped his face onto Castiel's and kissed the angel on the lips. Cas smiled against Dean's mouth. "How are you feeling?" the angel breathed into Dean's face when he pulled away.

"Hungry," the hunter replied.

Cas kissed him again, then rolled Dean to the side and climbed out from under the covers, sitting upright on the bed. "Come on," he said, raising his hand for Dean to take. The hunter sat up and immediately winced, running his own hands along his neck and back.

"How long was I out, Cas?" Dean asked, massaging his sore muscles.

"12 hours, 23 minutes."

"Well alright, Commander Data," the hunter joked. "And how many seconds?"

"51."

Dean stared at him blankly. "Seriously?" he prodded. Cas nodded, and the hunter rolled his eyes. "Well did I move at all during that time?" Dean asked, rolling his neck.

"Not really," Cas replied, cocking his head to the side.

Dean winced again. "No wonder," he groaned.

"Sorry," Cas offered, as if this was somehow his fault.

Dean continued to rub his sore neck. "It's not... it's just..." He winced one more time. "Ow."

Castiel reached over and put his hand on top of Dean's, looking into his eyes, as if for permission. He still felt like he needed it. The hunter relaxed his hand and let Castiel's replace it on his neck.

Cas scooted over and started pressing his thumb against a nerve bundle just under Dean's skin. He put his other hand on Dean's shoulder and rubbed it through his shirt. When he felt Dean's muscles start to relax under his touch, Castiel moved even closer, and after a couple more minutes, he slid up right behind Dean, stretching his legs out on either side of the hunter and leaning his back up against some pillows and the headboard.

Cas massaged Dean's shoulders a few times, then moved his hands to Dean's neck and slid them along the edges of his still-unbuttoned flannel shirt. Castiel's hands moved along the skin under the shirt, finding his shoulders again and letting the flannel just fall down his arms.

Dean was still relaxed, submitting to the angel's warm, healing touch without hesitation. Cas massaged the hunter's shoulders for a few more minutes. A wave of warmth washed over Dean's skin where Castiel's hands touched it, then sank deep into his muscles. Dean didn't know if it was his angel mojo or just his angelic touch, but the hunter felt immediately better, his soreness much relieved.

Dean leaned back against Castiel, resting his head on the angel's shoulder. Cas ran his hands flat down Dean's chest. "Feeling better?"

"Much," Dean sighed. He turned his head to smile up at the angel, and Castiel leaned forwards to grab his lips. Dean felt up Cas's arms, savoring their closeness to his body.

"You need to eat," Cas stated. He moved his arms back up Dean's chest to his shoulders. "Up you go," the angel said as he pushed Dean back forwards into a sitting position. He crawled out from behind the hunter and stood by the bed, then reached over to help Dean up as well.

The hunter pulled his flannel shirt back up his arms and let Cas lead him to the kitchen and sit him down. Dean was still sore, but not nearly as much as when he had first woken up. The weight of all the sleep hung over him, making his eyes droop and his shoulders hunch. He was glad for the chance to sit and try to shake it off.

Cas scrambled him up some eggs and toast and poured him a glass of orange juice. "Mmmm," Dean mumbled as he shoveled the food into his mouth. "You need to learn pancakes for breakfast next." Cas took his plate once he finished. "You're a proper chef of the Lord," Dean complimented.

The angel gave him a curious look, not fully appreciating his joke. "More?" he asked. Dean shook his head, and Castiel put the dishes in the sink. He stood in front of the table, looking hesitant, torn almost.

Dean stood up, easily reading the angel's posture. "Cas," he started, trying to choose his words carefully. "Don't let me keep you," he insisted. He tried to hide his conflicting emotions, but he already felt the remorse for having pulled the angel from Heaven for so long. And he already felt pangs of selfish desire as he thought about Cas leaving again.

"Will you be alright?" Castiel asked, still looking hesitant, undecided. Dean nodded, unable to find words. The angel walked up to him. "I've been away from Heaven longer than this," he said slowly. "Dean... if you tell me to stay, I will."

It was the first time Cas had actually asked Dean whether he should go or not. It was the first time he had actually offered to stay. The hunter wanted more than anything to take Cas up on the offer. His mind was screaming "stay!" over and over and over again until his head hurt.

Dean was sure the angel would be able to hear the pounding of his heart, beating relentlessly against his chest, longing to drag him closer to the angel, back into his arms. His hands yearned to reach out and hold Cas right there, to not let him leave. All it would take was one sweet little word: stay.

But somehow, Dean couldn't say it. He couldn't let himself give in, for Cas's sake. The angel's brothers needed him. Dean had made Cas stay away from Heaven for far too long already. He couldn't possibly force him to stay any longer.

Besides, he knew Cas wanted to return, to check on his brothers, to help them with whatever kind of war they were fighting up there. Dean knew he had to stop being selfish, to stop hoarding the angel. Nothing he was doing, nothing he was feeling made any sort of sense to him. Every part of his body and mind wanted Castiel to stay. But he had to let the angel leave.

Cas was staring at him expectantly. "Go, Cas," Dean managed in a surprisingly steady voice for how he felt inside. He wondered if it would be this hard every time the angel left. He wondered how many times his heart could break and still keep beating.

Castiel seemed shocked by Dean's decision. He'd half-expected Dean to make him stay. Part of him had wished Dean would. "I can return tonight if you want," he said, somewhat hesitantly, as if it was more of a question than a suggestion. He still wasn't sure exactly how much Dean wanted this, how much he wanted the angel around.

"Promise?" Dean asked, his hopes suddenly higher.

Cas softened, encouraged by Dean's enthusiasm. "Promise."

Dean couldn't resist. He stepped forward and locked their lips together for one more long goodbye kiss, sealing their promise. Neither of them understood how much they needed each other, they couldn't even begin to describe how they felt. But they could see it in each other's eyes when they pulled apart. They both smiled slightly, a bit woozy and out of breath from the sudden intensity of the kiss. And all at once, Cas was gone.

Dean felt it as keenly as the very first time, hollowing out his chest, leaving only traces of himself there. It was like Cas flew off with a part of him every time he left, and nothing that Dean did could bring it back. He had to wait for Castiel's return to even know what piece of him had been missing.

The hunter dispelled the thoughts. He ignored the empty sensation in the pit of his stomach. He had to clear his mind. Dean walked out into the cool afternoon without even grabbing a jacket. Only after hiking for about half an hour through the woods did he realize that his shirt was still unbuttoned. He buttoned it back up as he kept walking aimlessly.

The hunter enjoyed the cool air, the way it chilled his skin and numbed his body, the way it distracted him so adeptly. Right now, he sincerely needed a distraction, he needed something to occupy himself and his thoughts, at least until Cas returned.