The Year of Redemption

Chapter 25: I'd Come For You

Time and again, Dean traveled through the vortex on the other side of the light, spinning around and around the kaleidoscope of colors, ending up sick every time, and collecting parts of Castiel from the angel's scattered timeline.

There were some memories where Dean was a passive observer rather than an active participant in the memory, and there were others where he felt as if he was actually living out the memory himself, thinking Castiel's thoughts, feeling what the angel felt.

Dean collected another "Memories" foot from the Tower of Babel. Castiel had watched almost humorously as the people rejoiced at the construction of the magnificent tower, then despaired when it fell, blaming the heavens for its collapse. Castiel knew it was simply an engineering flaw that had brought the tower down, but the people continued to think it was an almighty will of God, passing down stories from generation to generation about the sacred city and its tower that was touched by the hands of Heaven.

There were also more recent memories, like one of Dean and Cas having a water fight in the river on their camping trip. God, that was ages ago, Dean thought as he watched from somewhere in the distance. The two of them were smiling and laughing and splashing each other mercilessly. How so much could change in just a matter of days was beyond his comprehension. Dean picked up the obsidian shoulder reading "Memories" that had fallen in front of him. He took one more look at the two goofballs in the river, then turned his back on them, rising again into the light.

In another memory, Dean watched Castiel cleverly escape from a circle of holy fire in Carthage, Missouri. This was just after they had tracked down Crowley, who had given them the location of Lucifer, as well as the Colt. Cas unscrewed the bolt from a pipe overhead, slowly, sneakily. Meg was circling Cas, taunting him, muttering all sorts of offensive, annoying demon slurs. The ceiling pipe all of a sudden came loose, swinging down to whack Meg in the back of the head. She fell into the ring of holy fire, and Cas walked straight over her, leaving the demon burning in the flames.

"You brilliant bastard," Dean commented, impressed. He leaned down to pick up the obsidian piece that had materialized below him. It was carved into the shape of a brain. "Intelligence," was the word engraved in gold on the side of it. "Well that's just awesome," Dean said, eying it in his hands. He shook his head and again ascended to the rainbow vortex, which deposited him back in the cavern.

Dean tried not to think about the obsidian piece that he had obtained when he visited one of Castiel's memories from Heaven. Cas had just returned from helping Dean to stop the apocalypse. Dean watched as Cas tried in vain to convince the angels that "free will" was the best option, that it should supplant their desire for following orders and strict obedience. For weeks, Dean watched in fast forward, and for weeks, Castiel didn't give up hope that the angels would accept this philosophy. But it was all lost on them. They needed a leader, someone to command them, not the chance to think for themselves. Being given this chance without knowing what to do with it would probably quite literally kill them.

It was painful for Dean to watch. He was the one who had planted the idea of free will in Castiel's mind in the first place; he was the one who had convinced the angel that it was possible. What did Dean know about free will anyways? He couldn't even be sure himself that free will existed. How were they ever supposed to know if they were acting out of free will, or if it was just destiny and their own stupidity telling them that was the case?

Dean felt embarrassed for Cas. Angels were programmed to follow orders, not to have independent thought. They were incapable of this kind of thing. It was almost torture for them to practice it, for Cas to try to brainwash it into them. But Castiel remained ignorant, day after day. He was naively optimistic about a new age, a new breed of angels, but it was never possible to begin with. Dean wished he could tell Castiel, but all he could do was remain passive, watching the poor angel make a fool out of himself, watching all of Castiel's hope and naivety be stained and sullied. Eventually, Castiel gave in, submitting himself to his failure, and the memory faded.