Are You Ready To Die ?

Chapter 23

I couldn't help but think this was all my  fault . If i wasn't so hasty and I used my brain instead of my ass none of this wouldn't of happen . I got my Bestfriend shot , Kai's life in danger . What have I done . Cursing myself mentally I got out of bed and went into the kitchen .
"Can't Sleep huh "
Shaking my head I sighed and sat next to him .
"I can't help but think ..,"

"No stop " he said cutting me off ." This is not your fault . We are in a gang we are accustom of the guns and fights that our life . This is not your fault " he repeated but it still didn't make me change my mind , this was all my fault .

James has been in the hospital for 3 days now . I've tried to get them to bring him home but the doctors said it's better to keep him there until further notice . He looked so vulnerable and heartbroken that night when I walked into the room . I couldn't and still can't watch him in his eyes without breaking down . He assured me that it wasn't my fault and tried to make me feel better when it should've been vice versa . Just can't believe that this is happening . Punching the counter and crying the memories of the night flew through my mind . I could've save him from the bullet if I jumped infront but I was so focused on Kai's safety nobody else's own mattered .

"Hey hey " kai said stopping me from doing further damage to myself . Fighting against him,he loosen his grip on me and i sprinted for my gun .

"I will take my own life . This is to much I don't want anyone else getting hurt,especially you Kai ." Bringing the gun to my head , tears streaming down my face , I'm not afraid anymore just tired , tried of crying , running, killing . This isn't me it never was .

"Put the gun down " he slowly said watching me with pain in his eyes. He was taking Slow Steps towards but I didn't care . I was doing this for their own good .

"Aaaahhh" I screamed as he tackled me to the ground. Begging him to let me go but he didn't he put all his weight on me until I couldn't fight anymore . I just laid below him and cried .

"Kai why can't you let me go ! Why ! Why . I'm just a burden to y'all . I know you say this isn't my fault but it is . If I didn't call the guys from England then James would not be lying in a hospital bed . " I cried . I can't believe it and I won't I won't . Victor deserves to bleed So bad . He has taken everything I've ever loved .

"Vicky , this isn't you fault please believe me . I'm not one to get all emotional and pour my feelings out to you cause I can't and I won't . But you are not a burden to anyone especially me , you make me happy and make me feel like my old self and that's the best thing anyone could do for me . I won't let you kill yourself ..." His voice broke at the last part .

Looking up at him I saw that he was already gazing at me . I don't what about his words made me feel good but all I know is that I realized something . Asking him to get off of me I hopped into bed and drifted off to sleep .

"Kai , Kai " I called him ,flicking his nose . God he is so hard to wake up . Getting angry I sat on him one leg on each side of his hips . I leaned forward and to my surprise his brown eyes opened and he kissed me . Giggling into the mouth I kissed him back .

"So you heard me calling you all this time and you just choose to ignore me " I whined ,jutting out my lips at him

Smirking at me he rolled us over so he was now  On Top of me "I'll ignore you every morning now " he winked at me and went to the bathroom . Blushing like crazy I went to the kitchen to get breakfast ready for the boys .

Aaron has been down since James is in hospital, Jacob has his same snappy attitude, Christian is just jolly as ever but I can tell its just a front and Michael was shock to hear what happened while he was still in the party having a grand time and as for me I was mentally insane .