It's Complicated

His Insecurities

Braelynn

A date. It's what every girl looks forward to. And that is multiplied ten-fold if it's her first date.

Her outfit needs to be perfect.

Her hair can't look like a bird lives there.

Her makeup needs to be just right.

And the boy, well he better make it perfect for her.

So as I stand here in the mirror with my best friend Waverley behind me, I can't help but feel like this is going to be a perfect date.

I'm wearing a black lace skater dress with quarter sleeves and thigh high stockings with knee-high black lace up boots. My long hair falls down to my waist in light waves and my makeup is done to perfection.

I smile at my reflection and turn to look at Waverley.

"So...does it look okay?" I ask biting my lip nervous.

Before she can answer my other best friend Portland opens the door.

"Hey um Jen...wow Lynn, you look gorgeous." Portland says looking me over.

"Why thank you!" I say running over to give his cheek a kiss.

I then run down the stairs as quick as I can and when I reach the bottom I'm met with a beautiful sight.

Jenson stands there in a Black V-neck covered by a black leather jacket and dark washed jeans covering his black boots. His hair is styled messily in that 'I-just-got-fucked' look.

He looks damn fine if I do say so myself.

"You look gorgeous my dear Bella." He says and my cheeks instantly become red.

"And you don't look bad yourself Sunny." Something flashes through his eyes when I call him but I can't tell. It's quickly replaced by his signature smirk.

He sticks his elbow out, "well let's get this date going!"

I link my arm with his and he walks me to his car.

Once we get to the car he surprises me by opening the passenger door for me, "woah Jenson. Don't get ahead of yourself."

He rolls his eyes, "shut up and get the damn car."

I give him a big toothy smile before jumping in the car. He slams the door shut and runs around the front to the drivers side.

"So where are you taking me?" I ask after awhile of driving.

"Aw aw aw my darling Bella. That is not something you can know!" He says while shooting me a pointed look.

"Okay" I say simply while turning to look out the window.

"Seriously. You like surprises?" He asks.

"Yep! Love them!" I exclaim. He groans and I smile.

*****

Jenson parks at the edge of Sunset Park and we start our walk to wherever it is we're going.

We head towards the edge of the park and slip through a gate which is near a small grove of trees. We continue walking through the trees and Jenson takes my hand to help me over the rocks and tree stumps.

There's an opening in the trees and my eyes widen at the sight in front of me.

There's a little pond in the clearing and to the side is a wooden dock that extends out over the pond. There's a fountain in the middle of the pond that has water bubbling out of the spout. There's a few ducks perched on the other edge of the the pond on some rocks sleeping.

"Jenson this is beautiful!" I tell him.

"Yeah I know. When I was younger I was playing with my sister at the park. She ran off and I followed her and we ended up here. Not many people know about it." He says looking around with a faint smile.

I walk over to the dock and he silently follows me. I sit on the edge and dangle my feet over the water with the very tip toes of my boots slightly getting wet.

"Can I tell you something no one knows about me?" Jenson asks me with a weak voice.

"Of course!" I tell him. I slide my hand over his and he turns his over to lace his fingers with mine.

"My sister. I had a sister. Do you remember?"

"I do" I reply while pulling our hands into my lap.

Jenson glances at our hands and then back to the pond.

"Do you know what happened to her?" He asks looking over at me.

I shake my head.

"She's gone."

He's silent but I don't want to interrupt him. And I won't until he's finished with his story.

"She was 2 years younger than me. Her name was Presley. She had beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair that was so light it almost looked white. She was such a pretty girl and she's gone now.

She always told me I was the best big brother ever. I was just a bit better than Jami. She'd kiss my cheek and wouldn't let me go to bed without saying good night. Her nickname for me, was Sunny."

Jenson pulls our hands over to his lap.

"A year ago, she was diagnosed with leukemia and my parents had kemo started right away.

She became tired. She was pale. Her white hair fell out. But damn she was still so beautiful!

But apparently she just wasn't meant to stay here. She only did kemo for 3 months before she died. My parents made sure people didn't know. They didn't want people to know there daughter was a sick cancer patient.

They were to damn worried about their reputation. Doesn't matter if their daughter went through hell! They just made sure everybody saw them as the perfect poster family.

Stupid fucking parents."

I feel a wet drop hit my hand and I know that it's not starting to rain.

"She left me to deal with my parents. Then Jami left me to go to college. My parents left me for work. My friends leave me because of my reputation. Everyone leaves me."

I suddenly understand. I unravel my hand from his and take his face in both of mine turning him to face me.

"Is that what you're afraid of? People leaving you?" He nods his head.

"That's why you sleep around with so many girls and then leave them isn't it?" He nods again.

I search his face before continuing, "You're afraid that if you actually get feelings for a girl she'll leave you. That's why you think they only want you for your popularity. You're afraid to be left."

All of his walls are down now and I can't help but feel privileged that I get to see him this way.

His eyes shed hidden tears that he's been holding.

I wipe them away with the pads of my thumbs then bring his head to rest against mine.

"I won't leave you Jenson. I promise I won't leave you." I say honestly.

"I believe you." He whispers.

The next thing to happen is our lips touching in a soft kiss.

But this isn't a normal kiss. It has feelings and emotions and all the things we keep hidden. It's heart and soul. But it's still a kiss. A soft kiss. A slow kiss.

When we pull away his eyes are still glossed over with wetness and his walls are still down. He's letting me see him without his guard.

He let me know his insecurity.

He let me know him.