It's Complicated

Leave...Don't Go

Jami ^^^ Jenson's older brother

Jenson

Telling Braelynn about my insecurities was probably the hardest yet easiest thing I've yet to do in my life.

I felt scared that when I told her she would laugh at me and call me some weak boy. Or she'd shove it in my face and get up and leave right there and then.

But it was very easy too because I feel so comfortable with her. I could tell her one of my darkest secrets. The deepest things about me. I could tell her without even a second thought. That probably scared me the most.

I trusted this girl so much that I didn't even have to think about it before telling her anything.

After sitting there talking and getting to know each other for awhile longer I took Brae to dinner and then we walked around before I took her home.

It was one of the best nights I've ever had.

I fell asleep that night with a certain girl on my mind. I couldn't help but feel like I was finally doing something right this time. Brae wasn't like other girls. She was so understanding, she was beautiful, she was just perfect in every way.

I don't know how I got to be so lucky and actually have her except my offer for the date but I sure as he'll wasn't going to question it.

I found it sort of funny that she could mean this much to me in such a little time but it was true. I was falling for a girl I had no business with. It was no secret that I didn't deserve her. Yet I find myself laying in bed with a huge smile on my face, thinking about a girl who I just went on an amazing date with. I don't how I got so lucky but I'm going to hold onto Braelynn Sonters as long as possible.

******

It was Saturday and I woke deciding that I wanted to go get some coffee. I got out of bed and put some black sweatpants on and a blue T-shirt before grabbing my keys, phone, and wallet.

I jogged out of the house and over to my car before climbing in and driving down to the coffee shop.

I parked my car in the lot and rushed in craving my coffee.

As I waited for my order by the window the bell on the door rang and my ears were filled with the most melodic laughter. I would recognize that laughter anywhere.

I turned to her with a smile on my face. My smile soon vanished. There was Braelynn...with a guy. The guy had a hand on her back. He led her to a table and pulled out her chair. The whole time she had a smile in her face and was laughing.

I felt my heart rip into about 10 million pieces.

"Jenson!" the Batista yelled when my coffee was ready. This caused Braelynn to turn and look at me. Her happy smile was soon replaced with a look of confusion when she seen the hurt on my face.

I quickly grabbed my coffee and hurried out the door.

"Jenson! Jenson please wait!" I was at the park by the time she caught up with me. She grabbed my arm to stop me and I cursed myself for the way her touch made me feel.

I shrugged her off and continued my walk to the pond.

"Jenson! What did I do?" By now we were nearly to the dock.

I stop and turn to her, "It doesn't matter just leave!" I yelled.

"What? Why? Jenson tell me what's wrong!" She said with her voice raised.

"It doesn't matter! I knew this would happen! Just leave me alone Braelynn!" I shouted not being able to look at her.

I heard her soft footsteps leave and I felt a tear make it's path down my face.

"Please stay..." I whispered. But it was no good. She was already gone.

I spent the next two hours walking around the pond with tears falling from my eyes. Not once had a girl ever made me feel this way and I cursed myself for it.

How could I allow this to happen?

How could I let myself become to open?  I had basically allowed her to come in and take what she wanted without a second thought. I let her do this to me.

I thought she was different. She is different! My mind told me. I knew it was true. She wasn't like all the others.

Why was I even acting this way? We weren't a couple. We had only been on one date.

Maybe it was just me but I thought I could see our relationship going farther.

Maybe I was delusional.

After another hour I walked back to the park. Just as a came out of the trees....

"Jenson!"

I looked over to see Braelynn sitting on an old stump.

"Bella? Why are you still here?" I asked shocked that she was actually here, "I told you to leave..."

Brae looked at me like I was crazy, "I told you that I would never leave you Jenson Right. I intend to keep that promise." I stared at her in amazement.

"But I yelled at you. I told you to leave." I said my voice trailing off.

"I don't care Jenson. Yell at me all you want. I will always, keep my promise." She said and the seriousness in her voice and the look in her eyes told me she was honest. I was scared that I almost let her go.

"You stayed here for 3 hours?"

"Yes"

I pulled her to me and hugged her tightly. "You're crazy."

"Just crazy enough!" She replied to me.

"Yeah. Just enough."

******

I love her.

I don't understand how it happened so soon. I probably sound like an idiot for saying I love someone so soon.

And if I told anybody they would probably think I'm crazy and say that I don't know what love is.

Ok so maybe I don't love her.

I can except that I don't love her. The thing is that I can feel myself falling in love with her.

When I walked out if those woods today and she was waiting for me. I felt like I could always rely on her. She knew that I didn't want her to leave. She knew.

She knew.

This girl some how knows me. I told her to leave. But she stayed.

And that scares me.