It's Complicated

Running

Jenson

May

Graduation was coming soon and so was our 5 month anniversary. To be honest I am terrified for graduation.

Braelynn is taking a year off of school but I'm going straight in.

Having looked over my acceptance letters, I'm still unsure where I was to go.

There's Notre Dame, ASU, and that's really the two I've narrowed it down too. That's only because I have a chance for a football scholarship.

But then when I think about it, I'm not sure if I want to do college football.

I mean, I've always dreamt of going pro. But what about family. I don't want to sacrifice my family for football.

It's become a really hard decision.

So that's what I find myself thinking about tonight.

Braelynn isn't here because we got in another stupid fight because I'm leaving. I want her to go with me. She says maybe. I tell her she needs to figure it out soon. She yells. I yells. We sleep apart.

My bed has only the lingering smell of her vanilla perfume and coconut shampoo. That's how much we've fought lately.

I'm starting to get lonely and really just wish she were here with me. I might be able to sleep then.

Just her presence makes me feel better.

Leaning up I flip my pillow over before laying back down.

The sent of vanilla is released and claims my senses. Soon enough I find myself lulling into a sleep.

I wake up the next morning to a ding from my phone.

Babe - Important things we need to talk about. We can't keep putting this talk off Sunny. I understand it won't be easy but we can't keep avoiding it...

Ok

Crap I think to myself. I know what she's talking about. The conversation about what she's going to do after graduation.

Maybe I can keep stalling a little while longer.

Yea that's what I'll do.

••••

Two days later

My eyes are blurry as I press the gas peddle to the floor clutching the flimsy white paper in my hand.

How could she do this!

I brake the car finding myself not able to see anything.

The rain beats down on my car roof as I lean back in my seat defeated.

I wetness on my face is new to me.

Someone once told me that if you cry over a girl it means you love her. A true good strong love. In love.

I take the paper and look at it again.

Dear Jenson,

You decided not to come over today so I figure you must be done with me or something. I didn't want to tell you like this but I couldn't tell you over the phone and you didn't come by like I asked. I leaving Jenson. My aunt offered for me to stay with her in Washington over the summer and I told her I would. This gives me an opportunity to explore a little bit before I commit to college. I know you're probably mad that you had to find out this way but it isn't my fault. You didn't come for me to tell you. It's so hard for me write this to you right now knowing that I'm leaving on a plane in the morning. There were so many things I never got to tell you Jenson. So many things I couldn't put in a letter.
Don't give me a second thought anymore Jenson Right. Go to a good college. Meet a good girl. Become famous. I'll be waiting for the headlines in the newspaper that says you're getting married and the one that says you're having kids. Maybe it was always going to work like this. Maybe we were supposed to be a fling. I don't want to think of it that way. But maybe that's how it was always supposed to be. You were so many of my firsts and I wouldn't have given you up for the world.
I'm sorry this is how it ends.
                                                 Braelynn

My tears mix with the the ones she shed on the paper. I can't tell between hers and mine any longer.

How could I have been so stupid?

Why didn't I just go I her house and talk to her?

Instead I have to come home and find a note telling me that she's leaving.

That we're over.

Now I find myself 5 blocks from the airport and not able to make it to her.

Not able to keep her from leaving.

No

This isn't how it will end.

I throwing the letter in the passenger seat I grab my keys and open my car door. I bolt from my seat, thankful I pulled over to the side of the rode, and I start running.

My legs pump as I jump over puddles and run across streets.

I have to get there fast.

Before its to late.

After what seems like forever I run through the airport doors.

I'm soaked and suddenly grateful for the small airport and carpeted floors.

I look around for the girl with brown hair.

Anything.

Flight 516 to Seattle will be boarding in five minutes.

The announcement comes over the enter come and before it can finish I bolt for the gate.

But I of course get lost. Finally I come to the right gate only to be greeted by an empty waiting room.

She gone....

Sitting down in one of the plastic chairs I hold my head in my hands.

I missed my chance. She's really gone.

I look at the carpet and see the dark spots from where my tears have fallen.

I'm crying again. But I don't even care anymore.

The one girl I care about.

The one girl that I love is gone.

Gone

That word sends shivers down my spine. My eyes begin to hurt and I feel weak.

My muscles are soar from running and I keep sniffing.

My clothes are soaked and I'm shivering.

But none of that matters because Braelynn is gone.

Gone...

I finally find my strength and pick myself up out of the chair.

Sulking my way through the airport I finally Coke to the doors.

I walk outside and just stand there in the rain. It worse now. Worse than when I was on my way here.

"Why can't you just let me leave?" She shouts at me through the rain and her tears.

I turn around shocked to find her. She's still here. I quickly get over it and say what I need to say.

I hesitate and we just stare at each other. And when I finally work up the courage to say it, it's like whispers in the wind.

"Because I love you Braelynn Sonters. They say that if you love someone you let them go. But they're so wrong. If you love someone enough to let them go, than you're saying you can live without them. If you truly love someone, you never let them go. You be selfish. You tell them to stay. I'm not going to let you leave Bella. I will never just let you leave. I'm being selfish! I'm telling you to stay! Stay with me please! I love you Braelynn so please stay with me."