~Theories

~Human

So before when I mentioned and asked what you thought it was that made us human I never really explained what I thought. I asked you a question, but I never even told you the answer.

But I think most of that is because I don't really have an answer for you. Or perhaps there is no answer at all.

I not so sure exactly what it is that makes us. But I wonder sometimes. And all the times I wondered I came up with possibilities.

But my conspiracies make sense. But anything that is completely illogical and complicated could suddenly be the most simplest and rational answer there is. If you really want it to be that is. Because it could be all in your head, and when its all in your head you can make yourself believe anything you want to believe.

I can make myself believe that my speculations and conspiracies didn't have to be true. It only mattered if they made sense to me. Because the thing was, my reasons that were simple and logical to me could have been the complete opposite. The reason I think the world is round or what exactly made us human may be the most out of the box explanation there is, and it was probably anything but logical.

But I say it doesn't matter. I don't think everything has to make sense, because if you think about it our world doesn't make sense. I don't think theres such a thing as a simple answer to a question complex and complicated.

I've got a new theory, I don't think it is always that an answer has to be logical. Because sometimes, logical explanations to complex questions, didn't exist at all.

I didn't ask Mrs. Hazel my teacher for her opinion because I know that she unlike me is normal. She'd give me a science answer, and a science answer is not something that I want.

I asked my mother what she thought but she told me she didn't know and she knows me so she knew that it wasn't a science answer that I was looking for. I was looking for an answer beyond, an answer that didn't have to be completely true or that didn't have to make sense.

And yes I know I told you I thought the world didn't make sense and never explained why I think that is. But I'll do that later, well... if I remember that is.

With me being this young I bet my brain wasn't as big. Theres only so much I can remember and so much I can hold.

These are one of my limits to thinking beyond, wish I were older. But at the same time I don't, being older was hard because I think you finally realized what kind of world we lived in. But when your a child, part of being so carefree is that your oblivious to all that. Your aren't burdened with having to think too much for too long because the thing was we couldn't. Our brains were not yet big enough to do so.

It was both a privilege and a limitation.

In some ways I wish I could think too much because I think thinking too much is part of what lets your mind drift further.

But I also understand that sometimes thinking too much was... painful. I think part of that was related to the world we live in. The people in this world hurt people, afflicted them with pain. And I don't think it's always that the pain is physical. Because what come to my understanding is that sometimes when people are hurt, someway somehow their hurt erupts and takes place... inside them.

I can't exactly explain this because I haven't yet gotten a word for it. But what I do know is that somehow this kind of pain is somewhat... more.

I think maybe once in my life I've experienced this pain, when people made fun of me because I was someone different and they had trouble understanding me so I was deemed a person unwanted. I was cast out by them. That... hurt me.