~Theories

~Just Kings

Latley I haven't been wondering.

It's been weird, I mean wondering is kinda what I do, but its not what I've been doing.

I've been sad, busy, thinking too much.

And I know what your gonna say, isn't wondering basically thinking??

Well yes person it is. But it isn't the kind of thinking that makes you realize the truth of things so quick and suddenly that your realizations unfortunately bothered you and seem to drive you over the edge of insanity. So much that you found yourself beginning to believe that someway somehow it was ok to go mad.

And now am not so sure if it is or not.
Am not sure about a lot of things.

I think I lost myself inside my head, and I had become so lost that I was losing myself too.

Perhaps I were still lost, or maybe I've always been lost, I don't really know.

I don't think I minded being lost inside the abysses of my peculiar mind. To tell you the truth I think I actually enjoyed it. I'm not so sure why, inside my mind existed another world entirely, but I think this was just something I compelled myself to believe.

That was one of the perps of being a mere child. Children are gullible, naive. We would believe anything we've been told, even the unrealistic lies we told ourselves.

I was inside the cages of my world. My thoughts wouldn't let me get out of my mind. And I think on some level of a peculiar truth I didn't want to be allowed. For some reason I think this time I didn't mind the fact of being trapped because this time it was my reality, my prison, my cages I had built for myself.

Why I had built my cages I do not know. Perhaps I really am mad after all.

But being trapped inside my own world that only existed in the thing they call imagination wasn't something I think was normal.

I was living in your world, but for a long while I wasn't really here, I was there somewhere I can't tell you about because I don't think it was somewhere at all.

I think the whole time I was merely just inside my head, living in the horrid truth of my thoughts. I think realizing the truth had made me sad.

This time it wasn't the fairytales that had made me know, I had come to know myself. I don't know why so suddenly, or why so soon.

Am merely just a kid after all.

But in a way I wasn't just a kid, not anymore. Not all things had become clear to me, the invisible glass I saw the world through was still stained. But I was no longer living in a world of blurred lines, and false truth.

Some truths to me were no longer false, they had revealed themselves to me. Although I don't recall asking them to reveal themselves. But I suppose realization was something that didn't need permission, it just had to come in.

I hadn't been ready, and merely too much had been revealed, seen.

So no am not merely just a kid, in a way I was like them now, burdened.

I was perfectly fine being naive, when I didn't know. When I saw the world for what it wasn't and not for what it was.

Now I knew, and I really wish I didn't. It was easier being just a kid.

Am still a child, still gullible, naive, new. There were some things I just couldn't bring myself to understand, no matter how much I thought about it, I didn't even come up with any theories!!