Wow, what a world.
No really, the world is so tragically wow that sometimes its hard to know if you belong at all.
Have you ever wondered if somehow, someway you exist somewhere else? Somewhere that isn't wow, somewhere that felt... right.
I've asked myself this question many times before, do you even belong here Luis?
And sadly the answer is always the same. Hardly that little voice in my head would echo, you hardly belong Luis, in fact you don't belong at all.
Somehow something so puny and small always seems to find its way to mock me. The voice, the strange second me that spoke its separate opinion and was what seemed overly too blunt, so blunt that the truth it spoke at times hurt.
But then again, the truth was something that always hurt, or perhaps just simply there to disappoint.
I realized something today, my realization saddened me. It almost seem to break my heart even, or at least I think it did. My chest hurt.
I had found myself beginning to build this wall after Burt died.
For the first time in my eight years of life I felt grief.
This grief thing was weird, it was sadness, but it seemed to be on its own level.
A level that was too far up for my tiny body to reach, I couldn't control it. For the first time I couldn't control my emotion, this grief thing, I felt it too strongly. I couldn't be stronger than it, so it became stronger than me. It brought nothing really, only sadness. An immense amount of it.
And for some reason I didn't block it out or try to rid it of me.
I did the opposite really, I let it in, welcomed it actually. As though it and I we were old friends.
But really we weren't old friends actually, I don't think I've yet lived long enough to have old friends.
Grief and I were strangers.
Strangers in a strange world.
I can't tell you why I welcomed a stranger inside my heart, to pull at my strings to make me feel worse. I truly don't know the reason to half of the things I do.
I personally think I let the stranger in because it was easier that way. I'm contemplating if I should tell you why, but truly I don't think you'll understand.
Not because I think am smarter than you or anything, because truly I doubt I am.
But because in truth I barely understand the reason at all. How do you explain something to someone when you yourself have yet to get a firm grasp on the concept?
Its like somebody who has been mute all their life teaching a new born baby how to speak.
It's weird, it nearly seems wrong. And the idea is most definitely crazy.
Today I found myself becoming angry, almost irritated. The emotion was alien to me, rarely did I feel anger.
But the feeling slowly was becoming accustomed to me. I think it was the grief.
Is it possible for sadness to morf into rage?
Those boys made fun of me again today. They called me the same wretched names like they did everyday. The only difference today was, I found myself agreeing with them. And don't ask me why because truly I don't know why.
YOU ARE READING
~Theories
Storie brevi{Completed} Luis Cowery is a eight year whom is deemed an outcast. He has no friends the rest of the children in his class avoid him. He one of those children that just aren't the same as the others, the grown up's don't deem him as someone or...
