~Theories

~Have you ever...

         Have you ever wondered how it would be if you simply could be nobody at all?

If  you disappeared all together, if you never even existed in the first place.

If you became invisible, gone. Unseen but in a way still there but there won't really be there.

I'd be a place unknown. Have you ever made up a world. A world of your own where you were king because you were the one in charge. You were king because this world of yours only existed in you head, it is a real place but in a way it isn't.

They'll tell you its your imagination but really isn't everything simply just imagination?

Your world is just as real as anything. Everything real was once upon a time just a simple thought in the head, just an idea, just a fig of imagination. And then it was made real but in a way not really. It was real when it was thought about, it made no difference just because it isn't in your head anymore but now something to be seen.

Tell me, if you made up a world in your head will people suddenly believe it was actually a real place if they could see it with their own eyes, touch it, feel it...

They would wouldn't they. I bet they'd want to live in this world too, invade it, make it into something it isn't. Make it as corrupt as their own. Your world wouldn't be yours, not anymore. They would have taken over, your no longer king. You don't have the control anymore, they took it, stole it.

Your world was better when it existed just inside your head, because it was unseen, invisible, nonexistent even though it wasn't. But to everybody else it was, but in reality who cares?

Its better that way, better when they think your world is nothing real because it's just all in you head. Its better because then its all yours, your king again, you do whatever you want, change whatever you want. Nobody there to tell you no, and if there is theres almost no point in them at all, your king tell them their not allowed to tell you no.

Your world is real in your dreams, you can be there even if there isn't really there. You can be there in your dreams, you can escape there, disappear.

You can be anybody you want to be or perhaps nobody at all.

Imagine somebody asking you who you are or who you want to be and then you just give them a cheesy grin and shrug your shoulders and tell them you don't know.

Perchance you don't even need to tell them anything at all.

I don't understand why there always has to be a reason for something. Can't something just be simply just because?

Do I have to be somebody at all? Everyone here is so the same that it seems all the identities have already been taken.

I hate that question when the teachers ask me what I want to be when I grow up.

I don't know what I want to be, I don't think I need to and I don't think it matters and I don't know why they should care.

It not like I can look into my future. Just because I wish to be something doesn't mean its what I'll be when am finally grown.

I'm old enough to know that its not always that shooting stars are able to grant your wishes and its not every birthday that when you blow out your birthday candles your wishes come true.

Sometimes wishes are too far fetched to be granted at all.

When they ask you that question of what you want to be when your grown they expect you to say something as basic as a doctor or a lawyer or a scientist.

I don't want to be something basic, I want to be me.

"What would you like to be when your a grownup Luis?"

It was Mrs.Hazel who asked me this earlier this morning.

I told her I didn't know because in truth I didn't.

How am I supposed to have any clue of who I want to be if I've barely got a clue of who I am now?

"Luis tell me who you are, who is Luis Cowery?"

And this was my therapist who asked me this earlier today in my Tuesday sessions with her.

I simply told her my name. "I am luis Cowery."

"N-no luis tell me of the person behind that name."

I had shaken my head at her. I think she thought I didn't understand her question but I knew exactly what she was asking. 

"I would love to tell you of the person I am but I can't tell you."

"And why can't you tell me? Is it a secret Luis?"

I had shaken my head at her again.

"No, no its no secret."

"Then why Luis?"

I had given her no answer, just gotten up and walked away. I had heard her calling after me, I don't know why. Why call when you can just get up and run after me with your own two feet. I see this in the movies too, were people really just that lazy?

I didn't go home after that like I was supposed to.

I walked to my therapists office every Tuesday for a session and then I was supposed to walk straight home.

The pathway to home wasn't straight. And I had another bad day today, and home wasn't going go bring any comfort to my soul.

Home wasn't so quiet anymore. Lately its been feeling just like a house rather than my home. My homes silence has now been filled with shouts and screams of loud voices and hurtful words.

On these days were the days when I wished to escape to my world in my head. It was quiet there, parents didn't argue and their voices weren't so loud.

I couldn't tell my therapist what she wanted to hear because my personality can't be put into words. Not that I would want it to be put in words.

If it were put in words it would mean it would be basic and simple enough that it can be understood.

I don't want to be put in words, I don't want to be labeled never do I want to be simple and basic enough for people to get me.  I don't want to be understood.

I'm not a simple person, am a person of complication. So complicated I don't even understand myself sometimes and  its not always that I want to.

I myself am not exactly sure of exactly who I am perhaps I may never be sure, but I don't want to be sure. I want to stay too complicated to be anything at all.

I'll die before becoming a person ordinary.~
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      A/N

Yes I know it was short but I guess thats kinda the point, it is supposed to be a short story after all😂😂

I really hoped you enjoyed, and it would mean the world to me if you juts simply kept on reading.

I love person, bye🙋🏾