The Land of Stories: Gleeful Days Are Here Again

Music Hath Charms

21. Music Hath Charms

In which we can't figure out whether or not to root for the Enchantress, because Sue is just so evil, and yet on some level she wants the same thing we all want...

Chris, Darren, Kurt, and Blaine sat together on a sofa, dizzy from the effects of the pollen released by the Enchantress's aphrodisiac flowers. At their feet sprawled the bodies of those who had been unable to resist the urge to kiss. And in front of them stood the Enchantress herself, clutching her nearly-full jar of hearts.

"Well, well, well," Sue intoned. "It looks like the Dwarf Forest is the only territory I have left to conquer before I rule this world completely. So, Mr. Hummelocks — and other, strangely dapper gay bandit — it seems that you two will have to be the next to kiss."

"What do you mean? We're not the kings of anything."

"Oh, you may not be kings, but you're certainly the rulers of that lawless country. Baddest of all of the badasses, and all that."

Kurt looked the Enchantress boldly in the eye. "As an outlaw, I have no country. As an outlaw, I want no country. As an outlaw, my country is the whole world."

"Noble sentiment, but it doesn't change anything."

"But it's called the Dwarf Forest," Blaine pointed out. "Surely the dwarves are the rightful rulers."

"Ha! Everyone knows those dwarves are too short and too horny and too busy running around naked all the time to be ruling over anything. Please — the I'll Show You Mine? No thank you!"

She gave Kurt a disturbingly knowing look. "You're probably just about as randy as those little fuckers by now. I'll bet you can't wait to climb Blaine's long, thick beanstalk, can you?"

Kurt glanced involuntarily at Blaine's crotch, then up at his full lips. With a supreme act of will, he turned away and looked to Chris and Darren for help.

"This is killing me! How are you two managing to stay so calm?" he demanded.

"Well, considering the fact that my entire relationship with Darren up until this point has been based on unresolved sexual tension, I've had a lot of practice dealing with it," Chris said ruefully.

"And I've had my hand down my pants under cover of this decorative throw-pillow for the past twenty minutes," Darren admitted.

Chris groaned. "Not helping, Dare."

"Speak for yourself. It's helping me quite a bit."

Blaine suddenly leapt off of the sofa and cast himself down on one knee in front of Kurt. Taking his boyfriend's hands in his own, he began to sing:

I can't fight this feeling any longer

And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow

What started out as friendship

Has grown stronger

I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever

I said there is no reason for my fear

'Cause I feel so secure when we're together

You give my life direction

You make everything so clear

And even as I wander

I'm keeping you in sight