Essence

Chapter 16: Hey Jude

 I could feel my demon retreat, leaving me and my angel as one. I allowed Dean to drag me willingly out of the room. What I did to Larkin wasn't excusable, I couldn't defend my actions. "Essence," Dean said eagerly, setting me down on my lush bed. I flicked my gaze so I looked into his green ones, "Don't try to defend my actions, none of you," I motioned to Sam and Castiel as well.

Sam looked at me not with pity, but with sympathy, his eyebrows furrowing together with big, hazel puppy dog eyes. "We are not going to sit by and watch you feel guilty for something that wasn't you." Sam urged, his eyes full of determination. I shook my head, "Of course you feel that way." I saw the confusion in each of their eyes, and I sighed. "You guys, all three of you, are heroes. You have always had each other, and that is all you have ever needed. After everything you guys have lost, you created your own family. My point is, that you are always getting through everything together. You are letting feelings get in the way of your judgement."

Castiel sighed, "Essence-" I cut him off, "Castiel, I have known you since I was a little girl. You are the closest thing I have ever had as family. I thank you for showing me kindness, otherwise my angel probably wouldn't have shown herself. I'm trying to tell you all that having me with you is only going to become a burden. I'm not like Castiel, I'm not pure of intent, not a perfect angel, I'm supposed to be what you are all hunting, a monster." Before anyone could reply, I quickly added, "I just want some time to think." Sam nodded solemnly, Castiel hesitating before leaving, throwing a hard look at Dean.

Dean sat on the bed in silence. "I know what it is like to not have anyone to turn to." How can he say that, when he has Castiel and Sam, who would risk their life for him without any regrets? "I also know what it is like to look into a mirror and hate what you see." I said nothing, feeling my throat clench. I gulped, staring at the floor. "My mother, her name was Mary, she died-" I cut him off, "I know a lot about you that you haven't told me. I scavenged as much information about you as I could. We both had a family. Except mine is past tense, I've never met my mother. I also came to terms with that when I entered foster homes, because no one bothered to tell me if she was dead or gave me up. I was led with false hope that it was forced, and yet I still don't know the answer to that specific question." I paused, wondering for a second why I was explaining any of this. I glanced up at Dean quickly, his green eyes soft and assuring, encouraging me to continue.

"When I found out my father was still alive, I escaped each adoption of families who tried to get to know me, tried to love me. I couldn't stand idly by while my father was out there. All I knew for sure was my last name was Winchester, along with his. I searched records, it reported your death on multiple occasions, showing that you murdered, and that was when I felt like giving up. Castiel visited me that night, encouraging me to keep searching, unknown to the fact it was you. I barely told him much about the information I found, and he didn't ask. He actually erased all my memories, but some of them have been seeping into my dreams. He visited me as I got older, but that was the last time Castiel visited me, from what I can remember. My point is, that I've had no one to rely on except myself my whole life. I've never known anything different, always me, myself, and I. When I first saw you, Castiel, and Sam showing kindness towards me, I wanted to shove you all away. Whenever I try, you all keep finding a way back into my life." I finished with a sigh, slightly wondering why I told him what I did. "We will figure everything out, together, as a family." Dean promised, hesitantly wrapping an arm around my shoulder with a squeeze. I leaned into him, laying my head on his shoulder. "I thank you for that, it's just that I cannot keep pretending everything is alright when it isn't."

"What are we doing next?" I whispered, feeling drowsy despite myself. "Sammy is doing research, Cas is looking for God, and I am taking care of you." I smiled slightly, love blooming inside of me. He cared for me, I had a real father. "I should help," I protested, struggling out of his grip, but he only tightened his arm which wrapped around me. "No, you need to get some sleep, Essence." He picked me up, laying me under the sheets and tucking me in. "Thank you," I whispered. "You're welcome," he whispered back. Suddenly he started humming, letting me know he was still next to me. I focused on his singing, hearing him hum to the tune Hey Jude by the Beatles. It was comforting as I drifted off into a peaceful slumber. 

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I am sorry! It has been a whole 7 days since my last update! BUT I have 'finals' or whatever for my class and it is beyond terrible... I hope you enjoyed! Please comment and vote if you enjoyed it! I seriously love hearing your thoughts and even the simple press of a button literally brightens up my day, so thank you all for supporting me!