Alone

You should know

*So I just finished this book that shattered my heart, so this poem is written from the perspective of the fictional character in my book. But I'm not telling you the book or the character. It's more profound if you read it this way.*

I think you should know that I thought about texting you.
Not that it matters.
Or changes anything.

I think you should know that I miss you.
The old you.
The one I used to know.

And I think you should know that you mean everything to me.
Even though you don't talk to me.
Or act like you know me.

You should also know that it hurts me every time I look at you.
Because I'm not enough.
I'll never be enough.

You see through me and you know that's true.
It's like I'm not there.
Not to you anyway.

I think you should know that I die a little bit inside every time I'm around you.
Because you used to know.
You used to care for me.

And I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry.
I left you.
And it hurt you.

It hurt me too, not that it matters.
It hurt me a lot.
It shattered me.

They say I'm a shell of who I used to be.
I'm broken.
And useless.

Every now and then, do you think of me?
The broken girl?
The one who used to matter?

So you should know I almost texted you.
And I still wear your sweater.
And I still look for you everywhere I go.

I still remember when we first met.
And when I first saw you cry.
And when I saw you first love someone who wasn't me.

I remember so much about you.
I know you better than myself.
Not that it matters.

It never mattered.
I never mattered.