hi..
this isn't an attention seeking thing, this is just me simply being me.
lately negative thoughts have been flooding my mind again. telling me that I'm not good enough or that I'll never make it. telling me that I'm worthless.
over the years I've learned to deal with it. I've learned to block those thoughts out and only think positive. but how can you think positive when everything around you is negative.
I'm slowly dying inside and nobody realizes it. but that's probably my fault because I don't let people in. I confine myself from everyone in fear.
I'm scared that if they know who I truly am they'll treat me different. so I wake up every morning and put a fake smile on face, praying that I'll make it through the day. praying that one person will be able to see through me and help.
it's so hard, so hard being me in the situation I'm in. I'm too young to anything with my life. my parents keep me in a bubble. I can't do anything. I'm so antisocial. IM SCARED OF PEOPLE FOR FUCKS SAKE. this is not healthy.
so idk anymore. is it all really worth it? should I keep living like this?
I'm not able to feel anything but sadness. I don't have emotions. I'm an emotionless freak. can someone actually be happy? are you happy? does happiness exist?
those little encouraging letters I give you at the end of some chapters are so you don't feel the way I do. I would never, ever wish this on anybody. so please be happy. no don't be happy. don't fake happiness. just feel what you want to feel. but I beg of you don't feel like me.
don't tell me it's going to be okay.
don't tell me everything's going to get better.
I've been lied to enough.
like I said before this is not an attention seeking thing, I just needed to get somethings out and this is the only place I can actually do it because hopefully you guys won't judge me.
so this has been jahnice and her fucked up life.
