Spice - Jensen Ackles x Reader (High School AU)

Part 6

You ran to your room so that you wouldn't even be in his presence anymore- scared that he was probably going to hear the sob or basically sobs that one after the other left your throat. You entire body started to shake as the tears that youhad been struggling to keep in started to now stream down your cheeks. You buried your face in your pillow, biting your trembling lip furiously as you were unable to keep yourself from letting the tears and sobs out.

The memories of that time were impossible to keep back and just like your tears they came in waves, making your heart tighten unbearably in your chest as you remembered... that.

You hiccupped a few times, and you tried to purse your lips to keep yourself from crying even more.

In vain.

The tears flowed down, no matter how hard you tried to keep it back, just as the memories could no longer me contained. You had been fighting so hard for all this time to keep them away and it seemed that you had finally reached your breaking point. It was bound to happen, you knew it yourself, especially when – even if you tried – the memories could not be erased. How could you ever erase those memories from your mind?

It hurt like hell to remember all of it, to remember what he had done, to still... feel what he had done both in soul and body. And at the same time, even if you wished to forget everything, you... did not.

You wanted to laugh and cry at the same time – and you did – at how crazy this was.What proved to be the hardest time of your life, the one to be the beginning of everything- of all the pain, was both a moment you wanted to forget and... not. You thought you maybe were a masochist – you laughed despite your tears at that – but you wanted to relive that moment actually. Again. And again. And again.

"Oh God, why?" you breathed out shakily, putting a hand on your forehead as you looked up at the ceiling.

You shook your head and shut your eyes tightly, the tears all the more rolling down. When did they ever stop?

When did the memories ever stop?

It was like this every night. You dreaded anymore the nights when you were not in Castiel's arms, him whispering sweet things to you, that you could actually forget what you had to go through every other night.

The memories that hunted your dreams every night you were on your own and actually the memories you could never escape from...

-Flashback-

You sighed as you let your backpack drop on your bed. For a moment you were jealous at it because it could just lay there, on the soft blankets, while you couldn't. You laughed for a moment at it but shook your head. Truth was you were feeling beat but there was just one thought keeping you going: you were going to go out with Jensen.

You giggled slightly at the thought of getting to spend some more time with your best friend was one of the best things and certainly something you looked forward to ever since he asked you too. It was not something unusual or unexpected because you'd usually spent most of the time of your days together – Misha and Jared being there most of the times as well – but this time- this time seemed different. This time was different. Because the way he had asked you out was different. It would seem like any other time but as you thought about it, the small blush that had risen on his cheeks, the small stutter and awkward laugh just made that spark of hope inside you turn into a flame. You tried to keep it down but it was just impossible. You wanted to deny it but- it was true. The green eyed teen had stolen your heart long ago and the way he asked you out today could only prove that in the tiniest bit he felt the same.

You were pretty thankful actually. Things had started to change these years that you were in high school and at moments you were afraid you were going to lose your friend. He had started hanging out with other guys at school, sometimes you'd worry he was ignoring you, but then of course he would immediately prove you wrong by showing you how you were above everybody else. He was your friend, you had to remind yourself, you were not going to lose him of course. So you two going out, finally after quiet a long of time, meant a lot.