When I get home I realise Cam never said anything about my inviting him to a concert, at least that’s one good thing that came out of the day. I look in my bathroom mirror and undress down to my underwear. I see fat, fat and more fat. Why can’t I just cut it all off? Why won’t it just go away? What more can I do to get rid of this. Eat less you piece of shit is what my brain says and of course it’s right. That’s the moment I decide I can’t eat. Well only miniscule amounts. That’s the only way I’ll finally be skinny and that’s the only way I’ll finally even have a chance at being beautiful. I put my clothes back on and go to sleep.
The next day of school, I practically sleep through all of my classes, teachers really should pay more attention to what their students are doing. By the time art class rolls around though, I’m wide awake in anticipation for what’s going to happen to me. The warning bell rings and I slowly walk the hallways debating whether or not to turn around. You gotta face it sometime the voice says. So I walk in. I take my seat and immediately start to talk to Lucas, who is sitting beside me even though I’m a horrible friend. I ignore when I see a presence sit next to me and try my best to keep up my conversation. But when the bell goes and class starts, Lucas has no choice but to go work with his partner. I take a deep breath before I turn to Cam. He doesn’t look at me, but I can see the bruise I left on his nose, and automatically I burst out saying “I’m sorry I punched you”
He turns and says to me “ya well you should be, but if you tell anyone that you’re the one who punched me I will fucking end you, clear?”
“Clear.”
“And apology accepted, what you did was stupid, but I’ll blame that on the fact that you’re stupid.”
I turn away filled with anger. I am not stupid. Yes you are, of course you are. How could you ever think you were smart? You’re more crazy than anything. And if you think you will ever be beautiful you can think again because the only thing you ever have a chance of being is skinny. No one will ever love you. These thoughts run through my mind like wild fire and they repeat over and over and over again until I notice I’m crying. I quickly wipe my tears but I see Cam glance over right at the last second. He doesn’t say anything and turns away. I put on my headphones and start on my first piece. I don’t care if the teacher says we have to work on them together, he shouldn’t have made me and this dick partners. I paint a red rose, then splatter black paint over it and make it have over-sized thorns. Nothing in this world is truly beautiful.
By the end of class I’ve almost finished and I sign my name and hang it up to dry, I only have the background left. I study it from afar, it’s not my best work. I hear a voice from behind me,
“That is not your best work.” I turn and see that, joy to the world, it’s Cam.
“How would you even know what my best work is? You’ve never seen anything I’ve done.” I reply, even though I know what he said is true.
“I’ve seen some stuff, I’m not blind. People talk about your art like it’s gold, I’ve yet to see anything about you that’s impressive.”
“Ya well I could say the same about you”
“Ouch, that one hurts” he responds sarcastically
That’s when I realise, that I don’t have to be here anymore.
“well it was really nice talking to you and I’d really love to chat again but I’ve got a class to go to.” And I walk out of the room. But on the way out I hear him say,
“Don’t forget that concert we’re going to!” I cringe as I hear him laughing behind me. I quicken my pace and head straight for my science class.
