dear diary,
as of today, I will officially be writing in you, every. single. day- was I the only one who thought that sounded a bit sexual? anyhow, who do I have to thank for this? none other than good ol'
mrs. leech.
you suck.
pun intended.
she said that I have to make my diaries longer, up to 1,000 words. I honestly don't know why I'm doing this, I have cancer. I can get out of anything. but I kind of like it, although I don't like writing, it does help me clear my head. there's also a boy outside practically wrestling with my doctor. I love him. but I'm dying. and the longer I love him, the more he dies too.
5 months before
"Mom! I'm going out with Josh. Be back soon." I slide my arms through the sleeves in my jacket, scrambling for my car keys.
"Hayden, wait up," I watch as mom wipes her hands on her apron, "Don't be too late, and if you get another one of those stomach aches, come home immediately."
I roll my eyes, "yeah, yeah."
"I'm serious Hayden."
I grin, "Whatever strawberry breath."
She cracks a smile.
I spin the keys on my index finger, planting a kiss on her forehead as I head out the doors. "Love ya."
"Love you more."
"Not possible."
The wind slaps me in the face, sending me stumbling a couple steps down. I quickly unlock the door to my Jeep Wrangler, hopping into the drivers seat. The car takes off as soon as I hit the gas pedal, increasing speed as I round the corner to Jefferson Dr. I slam down on the breaks, no sooner throwing open the door to the passengers seat.
"Hey Armstrong, hop in!"
Joshua's head pops in through the door, a wide grin spread across his face.
"What's got you all giddy?"
He slides onto the seat, drumming his fingers on his bouncing leg.
"At least close the door, Grinch."
Joshua closes the door, turning towards me, he raises a brow. "Grinch?"
I turn on the ignition, checking my rear view mirror, "Well yeah, he's always smiling."
"But the grinch's smile is ugly," he pouts.
"I never said yours was. You both just smile a lot."
"Oh.. cool."
I wince, my stomach feeling slightly cranky today.
"Hey, you okay Hayd?" Joshua peers over at my scrunched up expression.
My muscles relax, "Peachy."
Before he can interrogate me further we arrive at the park, "Okay we're here!"
I hop out of the car and quickly trot towards the swings, placing my sore but on the foldable seat.
"What do you hate, Hayd?"
I look at Joshua, who had by now plopped himself on the swing next to me.
"Why are you asking me this?"
"School project."
"Okay, well. I really hate writing, oh and cats, black licorice, dark chocolate, elf-"
"You hate elf!"
"Yeah, it's boring."
He writes down a couple things on his notepad, "Okay weirdo... what do you love?"
The tips of my shoes graze the rocks below me, until I finally slow to a stop. I try and move away from the topic at hand, —literally— quickly standing and walking towards the monkey bars.
Joshua trails behind me, "Hayyydennn? You didn't answer my questionnnn."
"Love is such a strange word." I mutter nervously, "Don't you think?"
His nose crinkles in confusion, "I ask the questions here."
"My family obviously. But love is such an inconvenience. It's useless, stupid, un-needed. Love will get you nowhere."
His notepad falls limp at his side. "That's stupid."
"Hey, you ask the questions."
"That's stupid Hayden! Love will get you everywhere!"
"Why are you so pissed all of a sudden?"
"Because you're being irrational!"
"I'm being irrational?" I scoff, "You're the one getting all fussy over a stupid-"
My legs fall from under me, a sharp pain shoots up my abdomen. I let out a cry of anguish as blood begins pouring out of my mouth.
"Hayden!" Joshua catches me as I descend, "Hayden? Stay with me, Hayden..."
His voice begins to fade, no sooner sounding miles away until it seems like nothing more than a concoction of my imagination.
It's only 700 words. oops.
September 27, 1994
