dear diary,
Joshua visited me today, I loved today. I hate that word. love.
Joshua fumbles with a loose thread on my bedsheets, his face scrunched up in a guilty expression.
"What's up, Armstrong?" I croak, I'm still recovering from chemo so I'm a bit weak.
"I'm sorry." tears begin streaming down his face like a waterfall, dripping onto my hand.
"Hey.." I try sitting up, but quickly decide against it once my head begins to spin. I grab the trash bag beside my bed and vomit.
"Sorry."
Joshua looks at me, bewildered. "No! It's me who should be sorry. It's my fault that you're in here."
"How is this your fault?"
"If I hadn't snapped at you, you wouldn't have passed out, and we wouldn't have ended up in this smelly hospital."
"If you hadn't snapped at me, I could've been dead already."
He quickly dismisses my failed attempt at comforting him, instead rubbing my knuckles with his thumb.
"I gave you cancer."
I snatch my hand away from him, "You didn't do this to me, J! The cancer was already inside of me. You just kinda... triggered it."
"Great, I set off your own personal nuclear bomb."
"You saved my life, Joshua."
"I love it when you say my name."
I offer him a weak smile, "I know"
September 28, 1994
