Lighthearted♡

♡Rest In Peace♡

(Jai's P.O.V.)

There was a man in my life that I always looked at as a father.

He was the man that was there when I first learned how to walk.
He was the man I first walked to.
He was the man who caught me when my little feet would trip up.
He was the man who told me bedtime stories every night as a child.
He was the man who gave me hot chocolate every cold winter night.
He was the man who never let anyone pick on me.
He was the man who walked me to school everyday.
He was the man who understood me when no one else did.
He was the man who still played hide-and-seek with me even as I grew older.
He was the man who gave me advice when I needed it most.
He was the man who was always there for my little family and I.

He was the man being lowered six feet under today.

You know, doctors say I can't feel pain. Though this is the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my life. The lack of air in my lungs, the light feeling in my head, the tightness in my heart, it was all so much to bare.

Yet here I was, with a blank face dressed in a black tux out in a graveyard with my family and other close relatives. It was dark and cloudy outside, and I could've sworn I felt some raindrops hit me.

"We are here today to pay our tribute and our respect to a man, our brother, Theodore Brooks. Not only have people from this congregation and community gathered, but many have come who respected Theodore as a friend.  To know Theodore was to love him!" The minister said as Uncle Theo's coffin was lowered into the ground.

"We are here today to show our love and support for Theodore's very precious family.  Not only have we sensed our own personal feelings of loss over Theodore's passing, but our hearts have been drawn toward them, and will continue to be with them." He added, causing many people to look over at my mother, brothers, and I.

I simply stared at Uncle Theo's coffin, waiting for him pop out at say,
"Gotcha!"
And then I would scold him and tell him,
"What a mean prank this was!"

Though he never did.

His coffin was lowered completely, dirt and soil was piled over him, and then a tombstone was placed above the ground to show where he laid.

One by one people began to leave, saying things to me and my family on their way like,

"You and your family are in our thoughts."

"We are here for you.  Call when you need us."

"You all are in our hearts."

"Our thoughts and prayers are with you."

"You guys have my deepest sympathy."

"He will be missed."

"If there is anything we can do, let us know."

"He was a hell of a guy."

And yeah, he sure was.

"I don't understand." I whispered to myself. Though, Luke heard me and he responded with,

"It's hard right now, but it'll get better."

"How can you be so sure?" I asked teary eyed. I know Luke didn't have an answer to that, because he opened his mouth a little and no words came out. He tried again, and the only words that slipped out were,

"Aw Jai." Then he pulled me into a hug.

"It hurts so much." I cried into his chest.

"I know it does." Luke said to me, running a hand up and down my back.

"No it really really hurts! I don't like it!" I sobbed.

"I know bug. Uncle Theo is watching us from the sky though so don't-" Luke was trying to help me feel better but it wasn't working.

"I don't want him to watch me from the sky! I want him here!" I yelled.

"Jai I know but-"

"Know you don't! You don't know! Nobody knows how I feel! No one has a clue about how I feel! I'm all alone and the only person who ever understood me is dead! What am I supposed to do?!" I screamed, not caring if some people began to stare.

"Jai calm down." My mother approached me.

"No! How can I calm down when you are all so oblivious to what's going on! Uncle Theo is dead! D. E. A. D. DEAD! And you all are behaving as though everything will be okay when it won't be!" I yelled at her. I've never yelled at my mum, but at the moment I was raging in anger.

"I'm not oblivious Jaidon. My brother died. Don't you think I'm aware of that?! Some people deal with grieving differently than others and you have to respect that." She scolded me.

"Baby please-" She reached out to touch me but I didn't want any of that.

"Don't touch me!" I snapped at her. I could see the hurt clear in her eyes.

"I don't want anyone to touch me! I want Uncle Theo to tell me a story and I want him to play hide-and-seek with me!" I added, sadness slowly overpowering my rage.

I then stepped in front of Uncle Theo's tombstone and fell to my knees. I let tears stream down my face as I shouted,

"Say something!"

"Jai please-" It was my mother's voice trying to calm me.

"No! Uncle Theo please don't do this to me!"

"Jai it's time to go-" She kept trying.

"Please don't do this Uncle Theo! Please!"

"Beau, Luke, can you boys grab him please."

I was soon lifted up by two sets of arms, and then carried away from my Uncle Theo.

"NO! NO YOU CAN'T DO THIS! UNCLE THEO! NO PLEASE! LET ME GO!" I was sobbing and screaming desperately.

They didn't let me go though. I was carried-dragged, for a better term, all the way to my mother's car.

We drove home in silence, I was still crying but not as hysterically as before. Luke shed some tears as well, and I saw Beau cry a little too before he hid his face in his hands.

When we pulled into our driveway, I made a decision with myself. I couldn't take the sad feeling in my chest. All the sadness in general, was overbearing. If Uncle Theo had to go through so much pain before he died, then so would I.

Tonight, I would feel real pain.

Because Uncle Theo's death was my fault. I was the one who had asked him to go pick up some breakfast for the next day.

So why shouldn't a lost boy like me feel anything but harm?

************

What do you guys think?
Please tell me (:

All the love xx