The suicide diary

Chapter 9

The mind is a strange thing, how it can trick you into thinking things that aren't true, how makes you believe lies about yourself. I admit my mind is all kinds of fucked up. And now Dakota know it too. He knows I like him and hate myself. And it scares the loving shit out of me.
The fact that Dakota and I share demons scares me. It also helps. It helps me understand I'm not alone. Other people do feel the way I do, I'm not alone.
I gently touch the scars on his arm and more tears fall down my cheek. I was speechless. He gently pulled his arm back and pulled his sleeves down.
"Emily I'm scared." He whispered. A tear rolling from his eye.

I got up from the couch where Dakota and i were sitting and walked into the kitchen, i was do dumbfounded by the information i just took in. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to say to him after that. This boy who i have had a crush on for years knows my biggest secrets. and he has one of his own, one that we share just with different backgrounds. we both wear scars upon our wrists, our battle wounds that prove we have fought many wars. 

Dakota walked into the kitchen behind me, wiping the tears from his eyes. I cant stop my mouth and i blurt out, "How could a person so popular, so.... so.... out going have scars like me?" 

He stared at me for a moment and said, "we all have secrets Emily."

"But what is possibly wrong in your perfect life? you have so many people who are there for you?" i keep going even though my mind is telling me to shut up. 

"People are 'supporting me' for my money." he snaps at me. 

I was taken by surprise by his sudden  outburst. his eyes soften when he sees my shock. "My life isn't perfect Em, not even close." he says so quiet I can barely hear him. 

I sigh and look up at him. "you know all of my secrets, every thing I wanted to stay hidden in that DAMN journal. You know it ALL!" i say, pausing to recompose my emotions. Dakota stares at me, willing me to go on, "but here you are, opening yourself up to a girl you just now recognized a few days ago, telling her a big secret. i just want to know why."